Caged Bird Sings: Rewrite
by UchiHime
Summary: Light is in confinement; L goes to visit him, but what he wants is to more than just talk. A rewittten/edited version of my 2nd fic.
1. Caged Hearts

**Title: **Caged Birds Sing  
**Rating: **M  
**Pairing:** Light/L, L/Light, plus one-sided side pairing  
**Warnings: **smut, angst, noncon  
**Summary: **L visits Light in confinement, but he wants to do more than just talk.

**Chapter One: Caged Hearts**

"Well I guess I'm done for the night," Matsuda said, grabbing his bag and heading towards the door. "Goodnight, Ryuuzaki."

L waved absently over his shoulder, not bothering with giving a verbal response. Matsuda had been the last one to leave headquarters the night, leaving L to watch the monitors alone. There was three monitors situated in front of him all showing a different screen.

One was the girl L suspected of being the second serial killer going by the name "Kira". Misa Amane was bound in an upright position and gagged in order to keep her from biting her tongue. L looked at her for he briefest of seconds, showing no sympathy whatsoever.

The next monitor was Police Chief Soichiro Yagami. He had volunteered for his confinement. L wouldn't consider himself to be particular close to the man, in fact the police chief was really only a means to reaching L's desired end, the capture of Kira. L wasn't a sociable person, in fact was more or less a recluse. But he was a driven person, and he did not mind playing nice with others if it helped his cause. The police chief was really nothing more than a pawn, but considering the situation, out of all the prisoners it should have been Soichiro who gained L's sympathy, yet the detective once again gave only a brief look with no sympathy.

The last monitor showed a boy. The teenage genius suspected as being the first Kira, Light Yagami. He was the chief's son and L's rival and friend. Well he would be if L wasn't too prideful to admit that the boy's knowledge and cunning was on par with his own and if L ever had use for a friend. L looked the longest at this monitor. Even though L had told Light he considered him to be his only friend, L did not trust him at all. Light had also volunteered for his confinement, claiming the possibility of him being Kira without knowing it. There really was very little doubt in L's mind that Light was Kira, yet the young Yagami was the only one L could muster up any sympathy for. Why of all of them did he only sympathize with Light?

L watched the boy pacing his cell. He was the only one still awake at such a late hour. He walked back in forth across the small room, looking deceptively innocent and quite vulnerable. L would not hesitate in calling Light Yagami a vain man who invested too much time and took too much pride in his look. But the Light Yagami on the screen had unkempt cinnamon hair and tired looking caramel eyes. His clothes were wrinkled from having been slept in and there was a chance of him developing permanent wrinkles because of his frowning face. The boy in the cell was a far cry from the teen L had first observed on hidden cameras in the boy's bedroom. Maybe it was seeing such a different side of the boy that did it, or maybe he was just feeling lonely. Whatever it was, L felt the sudden urge to talk to the boy. Not over the speakers, either, but face to face. He stood quickly as if to not allow his nerve to falter and, with one last look, he turned the monitor to Light's cell off. Without thinking about it, cause he knew if he did think about it his brain would tell him how stupid he was being, he headed down to see the boy.

Light was still pacing his cell when L reached the small room where he was being kept. "Light," L said, "may I have a word"

Light looked up in surprise at L's sudden arrival. He stared at the older male for a moment, before walking over to the bars so that he was only inches from the eccentric little sugar addict. "What is it _Ryuuzaki_?" he said the name as if it was something toxic.

"I just wanted to see how you're doing," L lied easily, because he really had no idea as what had brought him down there.

"And you couldn't do that over the monitors?"

"I wanted to talk to you as well."

"What? Did the speakers brake or something?"

"Can't I have a conversation with you face to face?"

"The moment I get out of here we can talk face to fist," Light snapped.

"Why are you so cranky, Light?" L asked.

The young Yagami sighed. "Sorry, but you'd be cranky too if you were locked up and being watched for over twenty-four hours."

"You did volunteer for this." L stated.

Light sighed again. "I only wanted to prove I'm not Kira. I didn't think it would be so nerve wrecking."

L looked at the boy. Light had known from the beginning that his confinement wouldn't be easy so why was he contradicting himself now. Putting that thought aside he said, "You look pretty lonely in there. Want some company?" He reached in his pocket and took out the keys to Light's cell.

"Won't whomever is watching the monitors have something to say about that?" Light asked quizzically.

"Everyone from Task Force is gone for the evening and even if they returned I turned off your monitor."

"And if they turn it back on."

L sighed. "Then I'll make an excuse for my being here. Do you want my company or not?"

Light shrugged strolling away from the bars. "Do whatever you want."

L opened the door to Light's cell and let himself in closing it after him. He looked around the cell before letting his eyes settle on the boy standing opposite him. Light's hands were cuffed behind his back and he was barefoot. The two of them said nothing for a while until Light finally spoke, "Why is it that you insist on believing I'm Kira?" he asked.

"Because it's the most logical solution and it's the only way it makes sense." L stated.

"The only way what makes sense? Ryuuzaki, you don't make sense."

"What I mean is that every clue points to you. I just don't know how you do it."

"Did it ever occur to, Ryuuzaki, the reason you don't know how I'm doing it is because I'm not the one doing it. I am not Kira."

"In order for me to truly believe that, all you have to do is prove me wrong." L stated simply. "Prove me wrong. Prove that my logic is flawed. Prove that I'm missing a clue that will point the investigation away from you. Prove to me that you're innocent. You're so sure you're not Kira, then prove it."

"Tell me how and I will," Light replied, he rushed across the cell so fast and menacingly L had to back away until he pressed against a wall. He would later wonder how he'd allowed the other boy to frighten him so, even though L was not truly afraid of him. "Tell me how to prove my innocence and I'll do it," Light said.  
"Whatever you want, just tell me and I'll do it."

L sighed. "Right now there is nothing for you to do other than staying here and surviving confinement. That will be all you can do until I find reason to release you."

"That's all I've been doing! Sitting in this little cell allowing you guys to watch my every move, accepting that you don't trust me. That's all the hell I've been doing. It's not enough anymore is it? You're never going to let me out are you? You like being able to watch me! You like making me feel like a bird in a cage."

"That's not true, Light. I want to let you free as much as you want to be free. Really I do."

"Really, huh? Then why don't I believe you? What do you care if I'm kept in this cell for the rest of my life? Until I some how die in here and then you'll be like 'oops you know he was innocent right, I just didn't want to let him go'?"

"That would never happen Light."

"How can you be so sure? How can you be sure that I won't be in this cage forever?"

"Because as long as you are in this cage, my heart will be in a cage of its own," L blurted out.

L didn't know where those words came from, but he knew they were the truth. He, also, hadn't meant to say them aloud, but it was too late since he couldn't take back his words now, so he continued. "A long as you're in confinement my feelings for you will be confined as well. Only you're going to eventually be let out, my feelings will never be set free. Well they weren't supposed to be anyway. My point is, I want you out of here, because it breaks my heart seeing you like this." L understood why he'd felt the urge to speak to Light now, but part of him wished he'd stayed up in the monitoring room.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Light asked.

"Are you an idiot or something?" L snapped, his patience had run out at his own foolishness, so he had no desire to watch Light play the fool as well. "Can't you see that I love you." And for the second time that night L acted without thinking. Light still had him backed up against the wall so it was a simple matter for him to press his lips against those of the startled Yagami boy.

Light only hesitated for a brief second before kissing him back, which startled Ryuuzaki because it was the last thing he had expected. Once the kiss finally ended Light said, "I am not and idiot." then he backed away leaving L confused against the wall.

"Did you just kiss me back?" L asked once he'd finally regained some of his senses.

"Did you just kiss me period?" Light shot back.

"Yes, I admit I acted a bit rash and without thinking but, I hadn't expected you to kiss me back."

"Are you an idiot or something?" Light asked the very question L had asked him. "What else are you suppose to do when the person you like kisses you?"

Again Light had caught L off guard. "What did you just say?" L asked dumbfounded.

"Do I really need to repeat myself, Ryuuzaki? I'm sure you heard me the first time."

L said nothing for a second, and then he finally said, "I have to go. I can't leave the monitors unattended for so long." And with that he turned and left the cell, closing and locking it after him.

Light watch L leaving. Why had he kissed him back? Surely he didn't really like him. Or maybe he did? Light wasn't sure.

L returned to the room with the monitors, after turning Light's back on, he glanced at the other two. Misa Amane seemed to be having a bad dream; she was twitching around and mumbling something incoherent. Yagami Chief was sleeping soundly.

Then his gaze drifted to Light. The boy seemed to be thinking about something. L smiled; Light's words playing over and over in his head. There was no sympathy on his face this time. Just pure love. He was happy because his Light liked him.


	2. Caged Passion

**Chapter Two: Caged Passion**

"Well I'm gone for the night," Mogi said as he headed out the door.

"Goodnight," L replied absently as the officer left for the evening. L picked up his tea cup and took a small drink of the heavily sugared beverage, and fixed his attention back on the three monitors before him.

It had been a three days since the night L, when left to watch the monitors alone, had gone to visit one of the prisoners, Light Yagami. The result of this visit still played over and over in his head: "_What else are you suppose to do when the person you like kisses you?"_

The young Yagami boy had said this when L had questioned him about why he'd kissed him back. L would be the first one to admit that he'd acted without thinking that night, but he cherished the reward. His Light liked him back. It wasn't exactly the same as admitting that he loved him, like L had done, but it was a step in the right direction. Of course, prior to that night, L had no idea that he harvested such emotions for his colleague, but he had spoken a declaration of love that night and he wasn't going to take them back now.

Mogi had been the last one to leave that night and now L, once again, found himself alone watching the monitors alone. He gazed at the three monitors, both Police Chief Yagami and Misa Amane were sleeping, but Light Yagami was awake; he was sitting on the floor in front of the cot that acted as his bed. Just like that night three days ago, L felt a sudden urge to talk to the boy face to face. Knowing it could easily lead to his downfall, but not caring a bit, L once more acted without thinking and turned off the monitor that showed Light's cell, before heading down stairs.

::-::

Light had moved from the floor to the cot by the time L reached him. "Light?" L asked softly, "Are you sleeping?"

"Thinking actually." came the reply from within the cell.

"Would you like some company?" L asked pulling the keys to the cell out of his pocket.

"Sure, come on in," Light said.

L opened the cell and let himself in. "May I sit down?" he asked. Light didn't answer, but he scooted over on the cot giving him some room. "So, tell me, what you're thinking about," L said.

Light shrugged. "The investigation I suppose."

"What about it?"

"I was thinking that you guys would have a lot more luck with finding Kira if you wasn't so convinced it was me."

"Light, I've told you already, all the clues point to you. It's the only way everything makes sense."

"And I told you before, you don't make sense." Light stated coldly.

L didn't say anything for a second, trying to put all the thoughts going through his head into some kind of order. Only with Light did L ever lose the capacity to form coherent thought, even if only for a second. L finally nodded and said, "You're right. I don't make sense. I'm so convinced that you're my only friend and that I love you, but I don't trust you at all and I really want you to be Kira."

"Why."

"Why what, Light?"

"Why do you so badly want me to be Kira? Why do you not trust me? And why do you believe that you love me?"

L thought about how to answer. "I suppose I just don't want to be proven wrong. I've been right so much that I wouldn't know how to respond to being wrong."

"So you're willing to lock up your _only friend _just so you won't be proven wrong?" Light criticized. "That's just stupid."

"You make me stupid, Light," L said flatly. "Never before have I met some one intelligent enough to have a conversation with on my level, and never before has anyone made me act without thinking the way you do. You make me stupid." He said it as if it was one of the most plainly stated fact in the world, as if it should have been so obvious even Misa Amane could have noticed it.

"You're right about one thing," Light agreed, nodding his head, "it is hard to find some one to have an intelligent conversation with."

For a second there was only silence, because their conversation had lost its intelligence. "How did you end up with Amane Misa?" L finally asked. "If you're seeking intelligent conversation she seems like a bad choice."

Light laughed a little at that. "You're right, she's not exactly the smartest girl around, but she is the most devoted."

"Oh," L said. They drifted back into silence. Again it was L that broke the silence, "Light, why did you really kiss me back?"

His question seemed to annoy the young Yagami boy. "You sound as if you'd have liked it better if I had rejected you." He hissed.

"That's not what mean Light. It just I never expected you to kiss me back." L stated.

"Didn't we already have this conversation, Ryuuzaki?"

"Yes, I suppose we did." Again silence. Again L was the one to break it, "Those handcuffs look pretty uncomfortable. Would you like me to let you out of them?"

"Won't Task Force be wondering how their suspected Kira got free?"

"Task Force won't know. I'll cuff you back before I leave."

Light sighed and turned his back to L so that he could easier access the handcuffs around his wrist.

"Light. Do you love me or do you only like me?" L asked as he freed the boy.

"I can't answer that, Ryuuzaki," Light replied rubbing his now free wrists.

"Why not?"

"Because I do not know the answer to that myself. Though I'm pretty sure my feelings for you cannot rightly be called love."

L was silent, then he said, "Even if you do not love me, Light, can you do one thing for me?"

"What is that, Ryuuzaki?" Light asked.

"Could you kiss me again?"

Light didn't reply. He hesitated for only a second, before pressing his lips firmly against L's. L dove into the kiss as if it was his favorite sweet treat, biting softly on Light's bottom lip until the boy relented and let him in to explore.

Light wrapped his arms around L's lithe figure and pulled him closer as their tongues continued to explore each other's mouths. Both boys were unaware of their growing hardnesses. The kiss finally broke when they decided that air was more important than passion.

L pulled himself free of Light's hold and glanced down at the obvious bulge in the other male's lap. "Um Light,." he said, "Your nether regions could use some attention."

Light blushed at this, draping his arms across his lap in a poor attempt of hiding his erection. He said, "Yours could use some attention, as well."

This time it was it was L that blushed as he tried to cover the bulge in his own lap. "Well, how could I help it when you kiss like that. Did I not tell you that I love you? What's your excuse?"

Light laughed a little. "Do you know how good a kisser you are, Ryuuzaki, way better than Misa every was. You'd get excited too."

L was silent for a second, turning his head away from the Yagami boy he offered, "Would you like me to help you with that?"

Light's blush deepened. "Umm, that's ok, I'll be fine," he said.

"Are you sure?" L asked turning back to face Light, his face a deep red that contrasted with his naturally pale skin. Then without waiting for a reply he pressed himself up against Light, causing their hardness to brush as he planted a kiss on the unsuspecting lips.

Light mouthed a silent moan. "You won't be able to pleasure yourself after you go back in the cuffs, so let me help you just this once." L stated, still pressed against Light.

"Sure. If you want." Light said trying for nonchalant but failing terribly.

L smiled as he slipped his hands inside the boy's pants and grasped the impressive length he found there. Light tried to stifle his moans of pleasure as L began to stroke his now completely hard erection; his failure to do caused L to pump harder. Never before had Light ever let someone pleasure him in such away. The feeling of it was completely foreign to him. Eventually he stopped trying to hide it, and gave in to the pleasure.

L continued to pump him faster and faster. He tried to hold out, but could only do so for so long. Finally he bent forward and, with one agonizing shudder, released his seed into the air and all over L's hand.

"Is that better, Light?" L asked. The boy didn't reply. L smiled at his exhausted expression. He placed a quick kiss on the boys lips before climbing off the cot. "I have to go now, Light," he said, "I'll bring you something to clean up with, but then I have to get watch the monitors."

::-::

A few minutes later, Light was back to being handcuffed alone in his cell. After wiping him clean of all his spilled semen, L had left him to return to his work. L entered the door to Task Force headquarters. The room was dark and empty, the only light coming from the three glowing monitors.

L froze. All three of the monitors were on. He was sure he had turned off Light's monitor before he had left. Did that mean someone had come and turned it on. Had that someone seen what was happening in Light Yagami's cell? Who ever it was had to be part of Task Force, but who could it had been? Someone knowing about what happened in that cell could change the direction of the Kira case all together. It could shake the teams' fate in L as a leader and lead to mutiny among the group. L's little foray with Light could have just cost him all of his hard work.

L knew this, yet he didn't seem bothered by it. He was happy. His Light had let him pleasure him. That was another step in the right direction. "Just wait, Light" he said aloud to himself, "I'll make you love me." and with that he sat down and resumed watching the monitors.


	3. Caged Fury

**Chapter Three: Caged Fury**

L was alone again. For the two days since his last visit to Light, he'd waited for the time that he'd be alone again. Unfortunately, it seemed Task Force didn't want L to be alone again since someone always ended up staying the night, or calling to come back because they'd forgotten something. All excuses, L knew, to not leave him alone.

He was aware of the fact that someone had witnessed the last time he'd visited his Light; the monitor being turned on proved that. But he wasn't sure who it had been. Not that it mattered, cause it seemed that all of Task Force knew now. He could tell by the way that they looked at him. He saw all the judgmental glances they threw his way. He knew how conversation would halt when he walked in the room and would start again when they thought he wasn't listening. L saw all of this, and he bared their judgment in silence. He could have just been paranoid, these things could have been because they all disapproved of the way he was handling the case, but his guilty conscience couldn't figure out any other reason why they wouldn't leave him alone unless they all knew. It was the only logical explanation.

But he was alone now. And since there was no telling when he would be again, he had to take this opportunity. Glancing at the three monitors in front of him, he switched off the one showing the boy he suspected of being the serial killer known as Kira. Smiling, he headed downstairs; he was going to see his Light again.

"What brings you here, Ryuuzaki?" Light Yagami asked the moment he saw the pale skinned, sugar addict standing outside his cell.

L smiled. "It's good to see you too, Light."

Light grunted and looked away.

"Why so cranky, Light-kun?" L asked, letting himself into the boy' s cell and sitting down on his cot.

"I don't know, Ryuuzaki," Light said sarcastically, "What reason do I have to be cranky? I've only been locked in this cell and watched twenty-four hours a day for almost a week now." There was venom in Light's voice as he continued, "I should be perfectly fine. There's no reason for me to be cranky at all."

"I feel a wave of deja-vu coming on. Need I remind you again that you volunteered for this?"

Light opened his mouth to speak, changed his mind, and closed it again. "You know what, Ryuuzaki," he finally said, "I don't even want to start it today. Arguing with you would just be a waste of time."

"I agree 98.32%, Light," L said. "Besides, I can think of something else that I would much more prefer doing than fighting with you, Light."

"And what would that be?" Light asked.

L slipped to his knees in front of him, without looking up at Light he said, "I was hoping I could do something for you, Light." There was a slight blush gracing itself upon L's pale cheeks. "Like last time, but different." L had been thinking for a while of a way to express his feelings to Light. Words could only take him so far, and he'd already been allowed to pleasure Light in one way. There was one more service he was willing to give to his love. Some may find it shameful, and L did admit it was a little embarrassing, but he wanted to do this. For Light.

Before Light could respond, L's hands were already set to removing his pants. "Ryuuzaki," Light hissed.

L pulled Light's pants down so that they were around his ankles, but it wasn't until he had his hands around the other boy's slightly hard nether regions, did he gain the courage to look up at him. "Light?" he asked hesitantly upon seeing the young Yagami's boy's face.

Light was sending him a look of pure venom, his eyes were clouded in anger, his jaw set, and he was hissing through his teeth. "Did I do something wrong?" L inquired. When Light only turned his head away, L realized he had misinterpreted the boy's features, it wasn't anger that had his eyes clouded and his jaw set, it was him trying to disguise his want. Gaining a little more courage from this, L looked down and tentatively licked the tip of Light's now fully engorged length. He was rewarded with the sound of Light once again hissing through his teeth. All hesitation went out the window after that.

L greedily took Light into his mouth as if it was his favorite treat. Then he pulled back with the sound of a lollipop being pulled out a child's mouth. Light rewarded him with a low moan, and L set about covering the boy's pulsing heat with light kisses and teasing licks, gaining more courage with each pleasure filled sound that Light let slip.

Meanwhile, L's own erection was in dire need of attention. Without thought, L slipped one hand down and began to pleasure himself, all the while sucking hard on Light's erection. Soon his hesitant actions began to form a pattern, bobbing his head down and taking as much of Light as he possible could, and coming up sliding his lower teeth along the vein that traveled the length of the boy's erection. As L's actions became more rhythmical, Light's moans became more loud and carefree, which prompted L to suck faster and faster, all the while pleasuring himself with his hand.

A loud moan vibrated trough L's throat, as he came all over his own hand, and at that same moment, Light spilled his seed in his mouth. L greedily swallowed the bitter protein, enjoying it as he enjoyed his extra sugary cups of tea, not at all surprised by its bitterly sour taste. After milking Light of every drop of his milky white semen, L looked up at the boy and was granted with a look of pure undisguised pleasure. L felt that he needed one more thing from the boy before he had to leave.

Light raised an eyebrow and L climbed on his lap, straddling him. "What are you doing Ryuuzaki?" he asked.

L smiled shyly. "I was hoping that we could... um." L seemed to be at an uncharacteristic lost for words.

"I get it," Light said tauntingly. "You were hoping for another make-out secession." He took L's blush as a sign that he was right and L couldn't deny that was exactly what the had wanted. "What makes you think that I have any desire kiss you?" Light asked, a little menace dripping into his voice. "You're pathetic, Ryuuzaki," he stated. "First you assume that I'm Kira and lock me up here so you could watch me. Then you declare your love for me. Now you do this, and have the audacity to believe I would ever let your lips touch mine. You're disgusting and pathetic."

Every word Light said was like a knife trough L's heart. Any lust filled illusion that he might have had about him being with Light shattering with each verbal blow. "Light," he said with tangible hurt in his voice, "Do you really mean that?"

"Would I have said it if I didn't mean it?"

L tried to swallow down the lump forming in his throat. "Why?" he asked, "Why is it so hard for you to believe that I love you? Why is it so hard for you to love me back?"

Light's glare bore holes into L's heart. "As if I would ever love someone as pitiful as you. Don't insult me."

L tried not to wince at those words and had to fight to hold back tears. Nothing and no one had ever effected L so much that it moved him to tears, and he'd be damned if he awarded Light that power. No, he wasn't going to cry... at least not right now where Light would see.

"I understand, Light," he said climbing off the boy's lap and on to his feet. "I'm sorry. I guess I should be going now."

L left the cell without looking back.

L trudged back up to Task Force Headquarters, feeling completely shattered. Questioning himself on how he could still feel love for the boy who just so expertly took a hammer to his heart. But he was soon faced with a much bigger problem, as he discover the monitor showing the cell he was just in once again turned on and upon further investigation he found a message typed in big bold print on his computer: _"You Disgust Me."_

With a loud sob, L fell into his chair and cried, no longer strong enough to hold back the tears. Things were quickly going down hill for him. His heart was broken into a million pieces, and now this. He sobbed again. When had he become so weak? When had be invested so much emotion into a person he knew was more that capable of hurting him? What had he done to deserve such pain? Why was he being punished?

Why couldn't his Light love him back?


	4. Caged Voices

**Chapter Four: Caged Voices**

L was depressed. His last visit to the suspected Kira, Light Yagami, had left him heartbroken. Light's words still rang through his head, shooting a bullet through his heart every time he was forced to recant them, _"You're disgusting and pathetic... do you really believe I'll fall in love with some one so pitiful. Don't insult me."_

L felt as if someone had taken a hammer and shattered his fragile glass heart, and to make it worst, L still felt that he loved Light. He loved him with all his heart, and part of him; even though he knew it wouldn't end well; part of him wanted to go see the boy. He wanted to see him just on more time and then he'd stop. He swore he would stop, after this one last time.

But there was one more problem. L was absolutely positive that someone had witnessed his last visit. Not only had the monitor showing Light's cell been turned back on, but also someone had typed in big bold print on L's personal computer "YOU DISGUST ME."

L didn't know what to do. All he wanted was to wallow in self pity, stuff himself with sweets, while trying to mend his broken heart, and maybe work on solving the Kira case while he was at it. But no, not only did he have the case to worry about, he also had the worry about the members of Task Force turning against him—that added to the fact his heart was hurting so much he could have died from the pain. This was too much. He'd never lost control of his life like this. He'd never screwed up his priorities so much.

Everything was wrong. Everything was just a pain. He wasn't supposed to be like this. He wasn't supposed to be so pitiful. He was L: the greatest detective in the world. He was supposed to be on top of things at all times. He was supposed to be in control... so when had he relinquished control of his life to Light? When had he given the teen so much power over him? When had he lowered himself to the point to he was hanging on Light's words and actions like a lovesick fool?

L never believe more than he did right now that Light Yagami truly did make him stupid.

He needed to put everything back in order, fast. Disorganized priorities may just be the straw that breaks the camel's back, and cause him the Kira case. He needed to buckle down and get back on task, but first... first he needed to see his Light just one more time.

.:~:.

One would think after catching L with Light twice, Task Force would make sure that the two of them never had any alone time again, but it seemed L gave them too much credit, because only two days after his last visit L found himself alone again. Fully aware that this just might be a trick, but not caring in the least, L turned off the Yagami's boy's monitor, more out of habit than actual hope for privacy, and went to see his Light again.

.:~:.

L stood outside of Light's cell, watching the boy lying peacefully on his cot. He was almost too afraid to speak, but if he just stood there saying nothing, his visit would have been for naught. Before L could make up his mind as to just what to say, Light spoke first, "Are you just going to stand there or are you coming in? I'm sure I've told you I hate being watched."

"How did you know I was here, Light?" L asked, guarding his voice against the pain threatening to creep in. Why did it hurt so much just to hear Light speak?

Light sat up on his cot and glanced in the direction of the cell door where L stood frozen in place. "It's kind of hard not to know you're there. What with you breathing so heavily." L instantly held in his next breath without even meaning to, he wasn't sure why Light's words affected him in such a way. Light truly did wield all the power here, and L hated. "So are you coming in?" Light asked again. Yet, L wasn't strong enough to break free of Light's power.

L slowly released his held breath. "That depends on rather or not you're going to be nice to me today." _Please be nice to me_, a voice whispered in the back of his head, _I won't be able to take anything less._

Light raised one finely-sculpted eyebrow at the detective. "What do you mean by that, Ryuuzaki?" he asked, "Aren't I always nice?"

"You were a bit cranky during my last visits." Understatement.

"Could you really blame me for that?" Light said challengingly. L looked at him in silence, and Light glared back.

This lasted a few seconds until L looked away and sighed, losing their unspoken staring contest... it seemed he was always losing lately. "I guess you're right, Light. Sorry."

Light smiled smugly. "Aren't I always right, Ryuuzaki?" L couldn't even bring himself to deny the fact. He said nothing. "So," Light continued as if not noticing L's silence, "What brings you here tonight?"

"I wanted to see you." L admitted without thinking, wasn't he always acting without thinking lately when it came to Light? "It may be the last time I come down here until the investigation is over. I needed to see you in person, just one last time." _I need to prove to myself I'm strong enough to pull away._

"Why would this be the last time?" Light inquired casually.

L looked up at Light, his eyes showing nothing but desolate emptiness, but hiding the pain gnawing unrelentingly at his heart. "It's obvious you don't enjoy these visits, so I'm not sure if they're worth my time anymore. Besides, if I keep coming down here, it'll only be a matter of time before Task Force discovers us." L wasn't sure why it was so easy for him to lie to Light, but he knew the Yagami boy wouldn't respond kindly if he knew that they'd already been discovered.

"I guess you're right. It'll be for the best if you didn't come here anymore."

L couldn't stop himself from wincing as the other male said this. Sure he'd said it first, but having Light confirm it added a level of permanence to the situation that hadn't been present when L himself had said it. It cut deeper, now, than ever before. L wasn't a masochist. He wasn't enjoying being tortured by Light's careless words.

"Of course you would like that wouldn't you, Light. You didn't exactly deny it when I said you didn't like my visits. In fact, I'm sure you're glad I won't be coming anymore. This way you won't have to sit there as I force my one-sided emotions on to you. Though I guess it is for the best since there's no way I can disgust you if I'm nowhere near you."

L said all of this in a low monotone voice that in no way betrayed how he was really feeling. He didn't even pause before rushing on, "Of course there's no way I could do anything but disgust you, since I'll never be able to stop loving you. And only an idiot would think that I could ever make you love me back. And I'm no idiot." Not and idiot at all, just foolishly in love.

Light sat through L's rant with a look of bemused annoyance on his face. "Are you done yet, Ryuuzaki?" he asked once the detective had drifted into silence, when he only received more silence, he continued, "If that's what you think, than you know nothing."

"I…"

"You know nothing at all." Light cut him off, "I admit that your visits aren't the highlights of my days, but they're better than being alone all day everyday. It's human nature to want to be with other humans. I'm sure to go crazy if I was stuck in here with nothing but these cell walls as company."

"I…" L started, only to be cut off again.

"And as far as this supposed love goes, I think you're confused and asking too much. I already admitted to liking you. That should be good enough, but you're asking for more. Love isn't something to be taken lightly. And I believe you have no idea what it truly means.

"I think I've finally got you all figured out, Ryuuzaki. You've lived isolated in your own little world up until now. Separated from other humans except for Watari. Because of this, you have no idea how to live with other people. Especially not on equal footing, because you've always seen them as less than you due to your heightened intelligence.

"And then I came along. Finally there was someone you could speak to on your level. I captivated you because I wasn't like everyone else. You couldn't speak down to me because I'm just as intelligent as you are. The more you got to know me, the more fascinated you became. You looked for flaws in my character, but couldn't find any, so you decided to create one.

"You made me Kira in your head. You needed a flaw, and my being Kira would be the perfect flaw. I was too good to be true, and so you made me something you could look down on. In your head, I was Kira. A fact of your own creation, but you became fixated on the fabricated fact and wouldn't rest until you proved it true. That gave you another reason to examine me and you became even more fascinated. Then you realized how foolishly fixated you were with me. You couldn't explain why, so you decided that you must be in love with me, cause that was the only way to explain everything.

"Another fabricated detail that you became fixated on. Until you became sure it was true. You developed a crush on me because you were sure you loved me. So this love you think you're feeling is really just fascination gone too far." Light ended his rant on a note of absolute certainty, as if already positive that he'd drawn the right conclusions.

L sat silently for a moment, examining every side of Light's arguments, but also already planning his denial to all the facts. Light was too good to be true, but he was not all he was making himself out to be. "That's an interesting way of looking at it, Light," he said after a while, "but none of it is true." L paused. "You got the basic details right, but your conclusions are far off mark. I didn't decide you were Kira because I needed a flaw in you character. You're Kira because everything points to you being Kira.

"I didn't become fixated because I'm fascinated with your intelligence. If I'm fixated on you, it's because you're Kira. But that's only if I'm fixated with you, which I don't believe I am.

"Thus I couldn't have developed a crush on you due to fascination. My love for you is genuine. Besides, looking at it your makes you seem awfully full of yourself. As if you believe yourself to be better than everyone else. Your theory shows you have an enlarged ego. Almost like a god complex."

"Humph." Light shot a burst of air trough his nose. "I wouldn't necessarily call it a god complex or an enlarged ego; I simply realize that I think on a level higher than most people, and I get slightly annoyed when I have to dumb things down for them. That's why I like you. We're on the same level. I don't have to dumb things down for you. That makes you a great partner for me. Hell, if you were female, I would have no problem falling in love with you."

"So that's the reason," L said casually. "You won't allow yourself to fall in love with me because you'd have to admit to having homosexual tendencies. And that somehow makes you feel like less of a man." L paused thoughtfully, "Hmm. I never thought you'd be such a closed-minded homophobe, Light. Apparently I gave you too much credit."

"I'm not closed-minded or a homophobe," Light argued. "If I was, I wouldn't have let things get this far between us."

"So maybe you're not closed-minded, but you are a homophobe, Light. It makes perfect sense."

"I am not a homophobe, Ryuuzaki." Light hissed through clenched teeth, his face twisting into a mask of anger.

"Really then," L challenged, "Prove it." Light looked at him questioningly. This was it, this was L chance to take control back. He could put his life back in order. He could do this. He could grab back the power he had unwillingly relinquished to Light. L spoke in his usual monotone as he continued, "Sleep with me."


	5. Caged Lovers

**Chapter Five: Caged Lovers**

"What!" Light practically yelled, his voice dripping disgust. Surely L hadn't said what he thought he'd said.

"Sleep with me," L repeated in his usual monotone voice. "You should have no problem with it if you're not a homophobe."

"There's a difference between homophobia and homosexuality, Ryuuzaki," Light said as if he was a teacher trying to explain that two plus two did not equal twenty-two to a high school senior.

"I know that, Light."

"Evidently you don't since you're suggesting that I become a homosexual in order to prove I'm not a homophobe."

"Not homosexual, really," L said, running his thumb over his lower lip, "More like bisexual. Not even that since this will most likely be a one time thing. Think of it as experimenting to prove a hypothesis."

"No," Light replied coolly. "I'm not having sex with you to prove a point."

"Fine then, forget the conditions and sleep with me anyway." L looked at Light with an incomprehensible look of sadness mixed with longing hidden behind a mask of boredom. "Sleep with me as a going away present. Since we've already decided that I won't be coming down here to bother you ever again—" He paused, before adding shyly, "If it counts I'll even let you play the man and be on top."

Light's initial fury at the situation changed into one of reluctant acceptance. "There's no way around this, is there?"

"Not really, Light. No. We both knew this would be the next step." Even if we were afraid to admit to even ourselves.

"Fine. Let me out of these cuffs and I'll sleep with you."

L looked at Light shocked. Surely the boy hadn't agreed to sleep with him so easily. L had expected the Yagami to argue longer, until L finally managed to wear him down and rope him into to it with some false promise or other. Even if Light had seen it coming, that did not mean he was going to accept it lying down. Light's quick acceptance was the last thing he'd expected. "Really, Light, you mean it?" he asked, sounding like a child who didn't trust what he'd just been told.

"I said I would," Light replied. "Now hurry up and take off these cuffs, or do you have some sick bondage fetish on top of all your other problems." L let the comment pass as he quickly set about removing the boy's handcuffs, hoping his eagerness didn't show in his actions.

Light stretched his newly freed limbs. "You're going to have to remove these fetters as well." He stated. L fell to his knees and worked on removing the bindings on the boy's ankles.

Once his legs were free, Light looked down a Ryuuzaki with a pleased expression. L looked back with his dark hunting eyes, eagerly awaiting what was to come next. Of course L was going to deny wanting this so badly. He wanted to convince himself that he was just trying to scratch an itch and not get his heart too involved for when it turned bad at the end. Because he knew it was going to turn bad, this was Light he was with after all.

Light smiled and reached down a hand to pull the older male up to him. L stumbled to his feet and fell towards the boy pulling him. The two of them looked at each other in silence for a moment, before Light yanked L towards him and connected their lips in a sloppy kiss.

L moaned and Light used the opportunity to slide his tongue into the detective's mouth, grazing it across every available surface. At first L stood there unresponsive, but then he slowly began to kiss the boy back, his own tongue launching in and retreating from Light's mouth like a sensual dance or a well fought battle.

Light pulled L down to straddle his lap, before running his hands up under his white shirt, covering his chest with light butterfly like touches. L let out a low moan when Light ran his fingers across his nipples, causing them to instantly harden. Liking that response, Light touched that sensitive flesh again, grabbing one of the pert nipples and squeezing it between his thumb and forefinger. L moaned louder and arched into the touch. All the while their lips never left each other, as the sensual battle with their tongues continued.

"Light." L panted when they'd come for air, Light said nothing as he used the break to completely relieve L of his shirt. There was a brief pause in motion, before he leaned in and took one of L's nipples in his mouth, rolling the hard little nub around on his tongue. The sounds this coaxed from L were enough to make Light's pants tighten around a quickly forming erection.

L could feel Light hardening beneath him and his own jeans tightened in response. He grinded their hips together, causing more pleasure to well up from the friction created. Light threw his head back in a low moan, and began to grind his hips back against L's, trying to get more friction. For a while they both just set there panting and moaning as they grinded against each other. It felt so good, but L wanted more. No. He _needed_ more. Gripping handfuls of Light's chocolate brown hair, he brought their faces together for another kiss.

Their lips locked and their tongues resumed their battle for dominance. Meanwhile, Light's hands had found the zipper to L's jeans. He had barely gotten his hand inside the denim cloth and around the detective's erection before L threw his head back and screamed out, "Awww, Light."

"Wow Ryuuzaki," Light said pulling his hand out of the older male's jeans. "Just couldn't wait could you." L looked away a light blush on his cheeks, embarrassed for coming from just one touch of his Light's hand. He couldn't help himself. He had wanted so badly for Light to touch him in that place, and when he finally had his body had responded eagerly. It had felt so good to be touched by the one he loved.

"Light," He panted softly. Light looked down and laughed, L was already hard again.

"Excited aren't you," Light teased. "Maybe it's time I really gave you reason to be excited." Before L could respond, Light had them flipped over with L pinned down to the cot and he hovering over him. Light captured L's lips in another kiss as he set about completely removing what was left of the detective's clothing.

L broke the kiss and looked away from Light. He now laid completely naked on the boy's cot, exposed to Light's scrutinizing gaze. L's skin was pale, save for his face that now sported a crimson blush. His body was lean, thin for someone who ate nothing but sweets. He was toned but not overly muscular. And he looked up at Light with lust filled eyes, his lips; bruised from kissing; were parted as he panted softly. His arms wrapped around his chest, and his knees drawn up, like an embarrassed girl trying to protect her virtue. Overall, a very erotic sight. Enough, almost, to make Light want to cream himself. But he wouldn't do that now. He wouldn't do that until he was buried to the hilt inside of L, with the detective screaming his name.

L was trembling with the need for Light to touch him. He wanted it so badly. But he felt so uncomfortable under the boy's gaze, exposed as he was. Light must have sensed his uneasiness, because he gave him an encouraging smile, before leaning in and kissing him softly. The next moments were all blurred together. Light had him trapped in an unrelenting kiss; his knees were being pulled down from where he had them hugged to his chest. He felt something hard pushing at his opening. And then there was the pain.

"Ahh, Light it hurts." L cried out when he first felt the boy entering him. Of course it hurt. The fact that Light hadn't prepared him and that they weren't using lube registered somewhere in the back of L's mind. It was no secret that it was going to hurt, having hard flesh pushing into him, especially under these conditions, but he still couldn't stop himself from calling out, "Wait Light, it hurts." His eyes were shut tight and he was holding onto Light with all his worth, as his body screamed out for the intruding object to be removed. But L didn't want it to be removed. This was his Light, he wanted more of it.

Light also had his eyes squeezed shut, and he gripped L's hips painfully. L was so tight and hot around him. It was wonderful. He hadn't expected it to feel like this and it took all of his self control not to just slam into L with all he was worth, disregarding the other's pain and focusing only on his own release, which was imminent. "Fuck Ryuuzaki you're so tight." It was out of character for him to curse, but he couldn't come up with any other word to describe how he was feeling.

L slowly loosened his grip on Light as his body adjusted to the pain. Somewhere in his mind he registered the fact that Light was cursing, but he was too busy concentrating on the sensation emitting from his bottom to care. Slowly the initial pain he felt was dulled into nothing but a slight annoyance as he felt the first waves of pleasure flowing in. He let out a low moan and all but thrust himself back against Light.

Light took L's actions as a sign that it was ok for him to move now. Slowly he pushed further into the hot heat, hissing as he felt even more surrounded. It just felt so good to be buried in L's tight little hole. Again he paused as L gripped him tighter, but this time the detective was quicker to relax. Light slowly pulled out of L until only the tip remained surrounded by that delightful heat, then without warning he slammed completely into L, all the way to the hilt.

"Shit, Light." This time it was L being out of character and cursing at the suddenness in which he was entered. Light's thrust had ripped the flesh inside of him to the point that he was bleeding enough to act as lube for the rest of the night. The pain was back full force, but so was the pleasure. The two balanced each other out to the point that L didn't know why he was screaming anymore. It was amazing. His body was tensed from pain, but he was already riding a pleasure high. "Nnnn, Light." He whimpered, "More."

Light didn't need to be told twice. He pulled out and slammed back into L full force. The detective was withering below him, crying out and begging for more. Light set a nice even pace, in out, tip to base, riding waves of pure bliss.

As Light pulled out again, L shifted his position a little, and when Light pushed back in he went farther than before, and L arched off the cot, screaming Light's name at the top of his lungs. Liking this reaction, Light aimed for that spot again, and sure enough L had almost the exact same response. Smiling, Light aimed all his thrust at that spot. Hearing his name like that was almost enough to push Light over the edge. Almost, but not quite.

L was panting and moaning uncontrollably now. When Light had first touched that bundle of nerves if felt like a jolt of electricity had been shot trough all the pleasure points in his body at one. It was enough to make his toes curl and him see stars behind his eyes. His body had arched off the bed against his will, and all he could do was scream the name of the person making him feel this way. It was just so good. He wanted more. Then Light had touched that spot again and again. All coherent thoughts flew from his head, turning into a moaning puddle of goo riding such a pleasure high he couldn't remember his own name. There was only this pleasure. And the person giving him the pleasure. His Light was the only person who existed now.

As Light continued to abuse his prostate, L could feel himself getting closer and closer to release. He knew he couldn't last much longer. Even without stimulation, his cock was twitching and weeping precum. It felt like he was at the edge of a cliff and with the slightest motivation, he'd go plummeting off. Motivation came in the form of Light beating ruthlessly against his prostate again. He clamped his eyes tightly shut as his body arched off the bed again, his pleasure high taking him over the edge. "Light!" He cried out as he released his seed into the air.

Light looked down at l while he climaxed and that blissful expression was enough to spark his own release. As already tight muscles clamped down tighter around him, and L screamed his name, Light too was sent plummeting over the edge of that cliff. Shooting his load inside of L's tight cavern.

The two boys collapsed on the cot next to each other. Neither of them had the power to do more than lie there panting loudly. Eventually L would have to get up and clean the mess they'd made. He'd have to cuff Light up again and make sure everything was exactly like it should be before Task Force showed up in the morning. He'd have to go back upstairs and pretend like none of this happened. Light would stay down here in his cage of a cell. Monitored twenty-four/seven. L would stay up at headquarters doing the monitoring. And he would never again visit Light down here. Soon everything would have to return to their version of normal, and the events from the night would have to be stored away, only to be revisited in wet dreams.

Soon this moment would end.

Soon, but not right now.

Right now the two boys were basking in the after glow of release. They laid next to each other, Light's arms around L's waist, L's back pressed against Light's chest. They almost looked like a normal couple. As if nothing was really going on around them. There was no Task Force, or Kira Case, no Misa Amane, or Chief Yagami, no Light, and no L. There was just them, and they weren't themselves. They were two lovers cuddling up together after a long night of love making.

Lovers. Something Light and L could never truly be. And their actions hadn't been lovemaking. It had simply been sex. Plain and simple. No emotional attachment at all, at least not on Light's part.

As the truths to who they were set in. L disentangled himself from Light's arms and set about putting things in motion, so that they could return to reality. Already he stored away the night's events. Already he set about forgetting.

.:~:.

L made his way up the stairs and opened the door to Task Force Headquarters. He was trying to distract himself from feeling resonating from his body, the last reminder of what he and Light had been doing only minutes before. He already knew that he would be sore come morning.

He entered the room and headed towards the chair he vacated that night, inwardly praying that things would be as he left them, but already knowing they wouldn't be. Sure enough, the monitor had been turned back on. Before he could sit down and examine the weight of the situation, he heard a familiar voice call out his name behind him.

"Ryuuzaki, we need to talk."


	6. Confrontations

**Chapter Six: Confrontations**

L turned at the sound of the familiar voice. "Yes, I suppose we do need to talk. Don't we, Matsuda?"

Touta Matsuda looked at L with an out of character seriousness on his face. "I suppose you already know what about."

L silently made his way across the room to his coffee pot, ignoring Matsuda's presence; he poured himself a cup and slowly made his way back over to his chair. "What are your conditions?" He asked as he slowly added more sugar to the cup than the laws of saturation allowed. "You must want something for your silence. What is it, money, cars, girls, a limited edition manga that you need for your collection, Task Force to stop treating you like an idiot? What is it, Matsuda? Name your price."

Matsuda looked at him in silence, his usual carefree demeanor hidden behind his stoic expression. "None of that, Ryuuzaki," He replied. "I simply want you to end whatever this you have with Light. I don't believe Chief Yagami would care to know that you've been too busy seducing his son to make any progress on the case."

L chuckled lightly. "Simply. You simply want me to end my relationship with Light? Wouldn't that be nice? Of course there's nothing _simple_ about what's going on between us." He stared into his coffee cup, sadness carrying itself in everything about him, his eyes, his figure, and his voice. "If only it could be so simple." That came out a little over a whisper, barely loud enough for L himself to hear, better yet Matsuda. "Tell me," L said turning to face the other detective, "What all do you know about me and my relationship with Light Yagami? Have you seen all our meetings from beginning to end?"

"I've seen all of your little meetings," Matsuda replied sullenly. "I caught the beginning of most; except by time I got back here tonight, the two of you had already moved past the talking phase."

"So," L said, once again looking into his still full coffee cup, unable to bring himself to take a sip. "You know nothing." He stated with an air of assurance he'd being missing in his previous words—when had this thing with Light moved L to doubting himself so much? "For all you know, it could have been Light who seduced me tonight, not the other way around. You know nothing of the mind games we played with each other until we were both roped into believing that there was no way around what was coming next. " He paused and brought the coffee cup to his lips before lowering it again without taking a sip. "You almost had me going there for a moment, Matsuda. Almost had me worried. Telling Chief Yagami and the rest of Task Force, is that your only plan? What if they don't do anything about it? There goes your ultimatum right out the window." L almost laughed at the situation he was being placed in. It would have been terribly funny if he hadn't already been tragically sad.

The night's visit hadn't healed his broken hard, it had only ground the broken pieces down to dust, leaving his with an even bigger mess to clean. He knew things would never be the same between him and Light again. Like a fool he had tried to hold the Yagami boy to him with his body, offering him nothing but carnal pleasures and one-sided love. He knew his actions were wrong when he was doing them, but he didn't stop. He could only think about having Light touch him, and the off chance that sex would make Light stay with him. What a fool he was.

And now here was Touta Matsuda, the idiot of the Task Force, offering him an ultimatum. Oh how the mighty has fallen. L was ready to curl up and cry, but he couldn't do that. Not yet. First he had to get rid of Matsuda.

"I don't care if they don't do anything about it," Matsuda said in a shaky voice. "I don't care about them. I don't care about you. I don't care about anything. I just want you to leave Light alone. Is that too much to ask?"

L looked at Matsuda, understanding coloring his face. "Matsuda," He said carefully, "What fools we are, you and I. Both of us are fools. Cause both of us has made the same mistake. We've both fallen in love with the one person that would never love us back." He turned away from Matsuda, and stared at the monitor showing the young Yagami boy. Light was curled up asleep on his cot, looking as if none of that night had ever happened. And maybe to him it hadn't. "Don't worry, Matsuda," He assured the detective looking over his shoulder, "Tonight was just a one time fling. It most likely will never happen again."

"Ryuuzaki?" Matsuda whispered softly.

The supposed World Greatest Detective looked up at Matsuda, for the first time allowing someone else to see the tears that have been threatening to fall from his eyes every since is previous visit to the prisoner. "Don't make the mistake I did, Matsuda," He said. "Don't delude yourself. Light Yagami is incapable of loving anyone but himself. You'd have to be an idiot to think you could make him love you back." He set the coffee cup in his hand down on the table in front of him and wrapped his arms around his legs, hugging them to his chest. "But we are both idiots, aren't we Matsuda. Cause we'll never stop loving him."

The detective curled into himself, hiding the few tears that managed to escape his eyes. Matsuda stood there staring at the monitor showing the boy that they both loved.

Light Yagami was sleeping peacefully in his cot.

.:~:.

It was hard to believe that only a week had passed since his incarceration had started, and what an eventful week it had been. Light had enjoyed these little games he played with L. They were the highlight of his day. And since they were memories that had nothing to do with the Death Note, he didn't have to worry about forgetting them.

"This stubborn pride of yours is just getting in the way, Light," L was saying over the speaker.

"You're right Ryuuzaki. I guess I'll just have to get rid of it."

L watched shocked as Light's whole attitude changed. He was contradicting himself. Such things were out of character for him. For some reason the words, _Everything will end today and begin anew, _drifted into the front of his mind. Day seven of incarceration, the day after L had given himself over to him, Light's attitude changed in prison.

L watched in wonder as everything changed after that.

**End of Arc One.**


	7. Chained Hearts

**Chapter Seven: Chained Hearts**

L was getting very annoyed. The members of Task Force were working his nerves; trying to get him to release the three prisoners they held in confinement. It wasn't like L didn't _want_ to release them. He just didn't think it was time yet. Sure the killings had started again, and more and more evidence was pointing against his original assumptions that Light Yagami was Kira and Misa Amane was the second Kira, but L just couldn't go back on his hypothesis, he had to be right. He had to, or he'd have to face Light's smug expression when he admitted being wrong. L wasn't sure he could handle that just yet. His heart was finally healing itself of the damage inflicted upon it by Light's rejection. He couldn't stand to give Light one more thing to hold over his head.

Of course L couldn't tell Task Force this. For one, they would berate him for letting his personal feelings affect the case, but they would also completely turn against his for harboring such feelings. They already didn't trust him enough, admitting his reason would only cause them to trust him less. So all L could do was sit there and listen to them beg for the prisoners' release.

The main one doing the begging was of course Touta Matsuda. It seemed as if that night over a month ago had just happened yesterday, that night that L tried so hard to forget. Of course he'd never actually be able to forget it. The memories visited him at the most inopportune times; times when he should have been concentrating on the case, but instead his mind decided to wander and images of Light hovering above him drifted into his head, usually causing him to flush and quickly bury his face in his work. Sometimes the flashbacks happened when he was talking to the members of Task Force; he'd suddenly lose his train of thought and sit there staring off into space, a light blush on his cheeks, as he remembered how it felt having the boy moving inside of him. All the Task Force members would look at him curiously when this happened, vaguely wondering what was going through his head. All but Matsuda that is, because Matsuda knew what was going through his head and he wasn't happy about it.

In the forty plus days since L's last visit to Light Yagami, Matsuda had kept his word about keeping what he'd seen a secret, but L was sure it would only be a matter of time until he did something that would make the young police officer angry enough to tell it all. And then what would happen? Mutiny most likely. The already distrustful NPA members would all turn against him and L would lose what power he had over them, and what little power that was since they all seemed to be loyal to the Chief first and foremost. And Chief Yagami would most likely not be too quick to jump to L's aid when he found out the detective had seduced his son. Though L hated to admit it, he had to stay on Matsuda's good side, at least until he gained more dirt on him. As of now, all L knew was that Touta Matsuda was also in love with Light Yagami. Go figure. The police chief's son was a real lady-killer, or in this cases a real fella killer.

With a sigh, L decided it was best to give the Task Force members what they wanted, or risk losing his mind from their unending badgering. But first he had to set down some conditions.

'_Do you have some sick bondage fetish on top of all your other problems?_'

Light's words from that night drifted into his head; unfortunately what L had planned next wasn't going to help at all with clearing that assumption.

.:~:.

Light heard the chink of the metal chain as L stood and walked across the room to his coffee pot. It had only been two days since he'd been freed from confinement, but he was already used to the sound of the chain rattling every time one of them moved. What he wasn't sure he'd ever get used to was having L handcuffed to him at all times. It was torture being confined to a six foot radius with the detective, especially since just being in the same room was enough to make Light's blood boil with longing. He couldn't count how many times he'd had to check himself during their first few hours together, he wanted nothing more than to disregard all his work and drag L off to one of the many bedrooms the new Headquarters contained and have his way with him right there, never mind the fact that all the rooms not used by Task Force members contained some type of surveillance equipment.

But Light was a professional. He knew better than to give in to the wicked thoughts he entertained. He knew better than to let his desires show in his work. He had complete reign over is emotions. But still he felt that he had to be some type of masochist to subject himself to the torture of being chained to L. Just great, one more thing to add on top of all his other problems. Then again, hadn't he and L always had a sadistic-masochistic relationship with each of them taking turns being the sadist and the masochist? Nothing new there at all.

And as for L, it seemed the detective wasn't bothered at all by Light's presence. In fact, he acted as if nothing ever happened between them. It wasn't like Light had expected the older male to do anything rash like greet him with a big kiss on the lips, but he had expected him to do _something_. Like let his gaze linger on Light a moment too long, act a little flustered when the Yagami boy spoke to him, something small like that. But no, L did nothing. It was almost infuriating, but Light had complete control over his emotions, he wasn't going to let himself get angry over that. If L wanted to act like nothing happened, fine then so be it to him, Light would act like nothing happened either.

At that moment, L was standing by his coffee pot totally tuned out to Light's father speaking to him. Light let a pleased grin cover his face as he realized that maybe his presence did have an effect on L; The detective never tuned out like this before.

"Are you alright, Ryuuzaki?"

L snapped his head up in surprise. "Yes, I'm fine. What would make you think I wasn't?"

"It's just that I was talking to you and you weren't responding," Chief Yagami said, "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine, honest."

"Ryuuzaki is just really distracted with the case, dad," Light said from his seat across the room his smirk still in place. "He's having a hard time coming up with new leads, that's all. You just go on home. We'll be fine. Tell mom and Sayu hi for me okay."

"Of course," Chief Yagami said, "Good night Light, Ryuuzaki."

"Good night, dad," Light replied.

"Good night Chief," L added returning to his seat in front of his computer. Light sat in the chair next to him smiling as his dad left.

Once the door closed behind the police chief, Light turned to look at L. "Well that's everyone. Other than Misa up in her room, everyone has decided to go home. It's just the two of us tonight."

Light tried to act pleased with this development, but he couldn't help but think about the other times that they were alone. Part of him hoped that this night would go in a similar direction. Yet another part of him was disgusted by the aforementioned part of him. There was something about being with L that went straight to his libido. Maybe he was losing his mind, but he just couldn't help himself. He longed to feel the touch of L's hands roaming over his body; he craved the feeling of heated flesh against heated flesh. Call him crazy, but that's what he wanted.

L nodded and turned his attention to his computer screen. He stared at it without saying anything as if lost in thought.

The silence dragged between them, until Light was suddenly filled with a strong desire to hear L's voice. Why he wanted to hear that voice was beyond him. L could get quite annoying with his apathetic tone of speaking. In fact, L's apathy was infuriating! But, still, Light wanted to hear L's voice, so he prompted conversation.

"Have you come up with any new theories?" Light asked already knowing the answer, but if it would get L to speak…

The detective silently sipped his coffee. "Not yet, Light, no," he finally said; much to Light's relief. "But I've yet to analyze the new data we just received."

"I've already looked through all that," Light informed him. "There's nothing of use."

"You might have missed something. I'll just take a look to make sure."

Light sighed, in part wishing he'd never spoke to the man. Every little thing L did and/or said had the ability to get under Light's skin like no other; especially when the other male seemed to be purposely trying to rile Light up. "I'm not even going to argue with you, Ryuuzaki. Do whatever you see fit," he said slowly, trying to suppress the anger rising in him. How could one person bring up such contrasting emotions in him at one time? Anger and lust could be a deadly combination, and Light felt as if he was playing with fire.

L nodded. "What about you, Light? What are you going to do while I work?"

Light shrugged. "Most likely reanalyze the data you just looked through in case you missed something."

"Fair enough, Light, let me know if you find anything."

Light only nodded as he set about pulling up the correct files on his computer. He knew there was a small chance that L actually missed anything of importance, but the detective had wounded his pride and this was his way of retaliating.

He watched L out of the corner of his eye, only half paying attention to the screen in front of him. The sugar addict was, of course, feeding his addiction. A pack of Strawberry Pocky lay open on the desk in front of him as he stuffed two sticks into his mouth at once. It made Light's skin crawl just watching someone consume as much sugar as L did, did the detective not fear the possibility of diabetes and high blood sugar. Light almost believed that if you cut L, he would bleed strawberry syrup.

L was paying no mind to Light, so the Yagami boy became a little bolder in watching him. L sat with his knees hugged to his chest, his eyes locked on the computer in front of him, as he nibbled on his Pocky, adding another stick to his mouth whenever one was fully consumed, his dark eyes never leaving the screen.

His beautiful pale skin was illuminated by the glow of the monitor, his midnight black hair framing his face like a halo of darkness. Captivating. That was the only word Light could use to describe L at this moment. The detective was simply captivating. He demanded Light's attention with his very presence and Light couldn't help but to lose himself in wanting the other man.

"We can go to the bedroom if you like, Light."

L's voice intruded into Light's mind, interrupting his fantasies and thoroughly shocking him. "What?" he asked as a light blush spread across his face.

"You seem tired." L stated as if it was nothing. "We can go to sleep if you like. I can take my laptop and work while you rest."

Light cleared his throat, a little flustered. "Uh, sure," he said, "I wasn't getting any useful information from this anyway."

L stood and gathered up his things, placing his laptop under his arm and carrying three boxes of Pocky with him. Light silently followed the detective down to their shared bedroom.

At first Light had been a bit uncomfortable with the sleeping arrangements, since he and L were chained together it meant they had to share a bed and that usually resulted in Light getting no sleep at all as his brain ran a mile a minute concocting fantasies and impossible scenarios made up of him and L in some compromising positions—and that was when he wasn't mentally cursing how creepy it was to sleep with a guard always watching him. After a few restless nights and too many rants about his hormones, Light had finally adjusted to the change enough to get a comfortable night sleep next to his watcher. Of course it didn't help that L was an insomniac, but at least L didn't seem inclined to take advantage of Light's sleepy state…even if Light wouldn't mind at all being taking advantage of by the other man.

'This night will be no different,' Light thought as he crawled under the covers, 'I'll sleep here and L will stay up working. Things will be like nothing had ever happened between us.' Light wasn't sure why that bothered him so much, but the thought stayed with him as he drifted off to sleep.

It would be much later when Light felt the warmth of another body pressing against his own. His sleep clouded brain would not warn him of his actions as he instinctively wrapped his arms around the source of the warmth and pulled the other person closer to him.

Eventually though, he finally did fight his way through the barriers of sleep and opened his eyes to find L curled up in his arms, pressed securely against him. Light's heart pounded as he took in the sight of the man sleeping so peacefully, looking every bit like an angel at rest.

Light licked his lips and tried to fight off the intruding thoughts that were shooting straight to his groin, but L looked so lovely the way he was. He couldn't help himself. After a moments debate, he finally threw common sense out the window; he leaned closer to the other male and silently prayed L wouldn't wake up.

As Light pressed his lips against those of the detective, his heart pounded in his chest a sense of peace washed over him. L's lips tasted like the strawberry Pocky he'd been eating before bed, and Light savored the flavor. Reluctantly he pulled back from the kiss, relieved when he saw that L was still sleeping.

Wrapping his arms tighter around the other male, Light wasn't sure what was wrong with him, but this just felt so right. He never wanted the let L go. Burying his face in the messy black locks, Light inhaled deeply, letting the scent of L lure him back to sleep.

.:~:.

L opened his eyes once he was sure Light was sleeping again. He could still feel the press of the younger boy's lips against his own. Smiling, he knew that he had won this round. Light would never admit it out loud, but L knew that the Yagami boy was blossoming feelings for him. Light didn't have to admit it though; right now L was content with just sleeping within the boy's arms.


	8. Chained Passion

**Chapter Eight: Chained Passion**

Light sat in his seat next to L, absentmindedly looking over data on the computer. He'd been chained to L for a week now and it wasn't getting any easier for him. He was still having heated thoughts about L and L still seemed to not care. It was infuriating, always wanting L, but not being able to have him.

Currently they were sitting in Head Quarters at some odd hour of the night; surrounded by the other members of the Kira Investigation Squad, save for Matsuda who was away acting as Misa Amane's manager. They all sat in silence, each doing something different, investigating different angles of the case, all coming up empty.

"Perhaps, it's time we go to bed, Light." L broke the silence, drawing everyone's attention to him, "We've been working hard, without rest for the past few days, to no avail if I might add. A good night's sleep would do us good."

"Sure, Ryuuzaki," Light agree. "Why not. I could use the rest." His mind was already running a mile a minute, filling his head with thoughts of once again sharing the close quarters of a bed with L.

"You all should get some rest, as well," L said to the other members of Task Force, they all begrudgingly agreed. "Can I make one more request?" L added as everyone began to gather their selves, "Could Light and I be off camera tonight?"

Light didn't like the sound of that. L had never requested them to be off camera before; could it be that he was up to something? If so, what? L hadn't shown the slightest interest in Light since that night they were together in his cell. But maybe that had changed.

Chief Yagami opened his mouth to protest, but Light interrupted, "I would like that." He looked at his father, hoping to appeal to the chief's paternal side. "I know that surveillance is for the best. To keep us from killing each other, or at least to stop of us from fighting again, but I just can't seem to get over the creepy 'Big Brother is Watching' feeling. It's kind of unnerving."

"Well, I guess it'll be ok," Soichiro Yagami said; he was willing to do whatever it took in order to please his son, trying to make amends for the situation he was being placed in. Light knew that Chief Yagami had not liked it when he was placed in confinement and he liked even less that now he had to spend every moment of his time chained to L. Light knew that it was a simple matter to bend his father to his will.

"Well now that that's settled, let's go up to bed Light." Light almost thought L sounded excited, but that couldn't be true; L was never excited about anything. And if he was, he never let it be heard in his voice. He always spoke in the same bored, apathetic monotone that just drove Light mad. Mad with anger and annoyance, mad with lust and want. Just plain mad.

Light didn't say anything more than a good night the other investigators, before following L up the stairs to their shared room. Another thing that drove Light mad. L never took the elevator; he always opted for the stairs. One would think that would please Light, the less time they spent alone in enclosed spaces the better, right? Wrong.

That stairs were just as enclosed as the elevator and Light couldn't help but admire the sight of L's lithe form ascending the steps. He was always so graceful in his movements, like a dancer or a gazelle, it was beautiful and it drove Light mad.

Once Light had attempted to walk up the stairs ahead of L, but the detective had insisted that Light was moving too fast and he needed to slow down and catch his breath. Light had replied that if L didn't consume such copious amounts of sugar then he wouldn't tire out so quickly. To which L had smiled and said: "Now Light-kun, you of all people should know that I don't tire out quickly."

That one sentence, which could have been referring to any number of things, set Light to blushing and looking away in embarrassment. In the end, L once again took the lead, setting his own pace up the stairs, leaving Light to once again admire his slender hips and gazelle like grace.

This time Light was too busy trying to figure out why L had requested them to be off camera to worry about his carnal desires as they ascended the stairs. What could L possibly be up to?

Once they reached their room, L immediately set himself down in the bed and began removing his jeans. Light could do nothing but watch on in shock. Eventually L looked up at his dazed watcher with the most innocent expression Light had ever seen. "Why are you just standing there, Light? Are you coming to bed?"

It took Light a moment to shake his self from the not so innocent thoughts filling his head. By this time, L had replaced is discarded jeans with a pair of navy blue pajama bottoms, but he still wore his usual white tee. "Uh, yeah," Light said, cursing himself for once again letting L catch him so distracted. He begrudgingly set about putting on his own pajamas.

To Light's amazement, L did not plan on working in bed that night. The moment the lights were out, L burrowed his way under the covers and curled up into a ball. "Good night, Light," he called before closing his eyes.

"Good night, Ryuuzaki." Light replied also crawling under the covers, but not being as quick to close his eyes. Minutes passed in silence between the two of them, until Light was finally sure L was asleep. But just to be on the safe side he waited a few minutes more before giving in to his desire to have L in his arms once more, and wrapping the detective in his loving embrace.

He pulled L firmly against his chest, holding his breath for a few seconds to make sure the older male wouldn't wake up. Then he sighed and buried his face into L's dark as night colored locks. Light loved L's scent. He smelled sweet of sugary candies, but also held an earthy yet manly aroma of cloves and mint. Most likely the flavor of one of his favorite teas.

Light wasn't sure how long he laid there holding L and inhaling his wonderful scent, but eventual he became almost intoxicated by the sweet earthy aroma and the warm feel of the other's body pressed so snugly against his own. Light looked down at L's beautiful face. His pale skin almost seemed to glow in the darkness of the room. His delicate features looked almost angel like. Light was immediately entranced by the sight of his lips.

He wanted to kiss them, like he had the first night L slept within his arms. And there was nothing stopping him from doing so. Ever so gently he adjusted his hold on L's sleeping body, and he slowly closed the distance between them. He confined himself to a quick meeting a lips. A quick peck and nothing more, though he body craved for more, much, much more. Just as quickly as their lips met, they parted and Light was back to holding the form of his own sleeping angel.

Just as he thought he'd gotten away with his actions, a monotone voice broke through the dark of the room, ringing in Light's heart like the music of an angel's harp. "You know, Light," L said turning around, but not removing himself from Light's hold, "I would enjoy kissing you much more if I didn't have to feign sleep to do so."

Light looked at L in shock. "You we're awake?"

"I was last time, as well," L replied, "Just because someone is taking deep even breaths does not mean they are sleeping. They could simply be resting their eyes. But I guess it's worth the deception if it gets you to kiss me."

Light blushed and stammered out nonsense words with no coherent meaning.

"But as I said before," L continued pressing his body more firmly against Light's, "I would enjoy kissing you much more if I didn't have to fake sleep to do so."

Light smiled. "I supposed you're right, Ryuuzaki," he said, not sure if what he was doing was the smartest act in the world. "A kiss with two active parties would be far more enjoyable."

There was a brief moment of hesitation before the distance between them disappeared.

L let out a shocked gasp, before eagerly kissing Light back. Light ran his tongue over L's bottom lip before L finally parted them and let him in. Light ran his tongue over every available surface in the moist hot cavern, his and L's tongues swirled around each other in a fierce battle for dominance, like an intimate dance. The kiss was passionate and unrelenting, leaving both Light and L gasping and panting for breath once it finally ended.

"Light," L mewled softly, wrapping his arms around the younger boy.

"Ryuuzaki," Light panted back, pulling L closer against him, he could feel himself hardening in his pants, but he didn't care, all he cared about right now was that L was in his arms, all he wanted was more L.

"Light, you seem to have a little problem digging into my leg."

Light gave L a teasing smile. "Ryuuzaki, you of all people should know it's not a little problem. Besides you seem to be having the same problem."

L smirked before pressing his lips back against Light's. He rolled them over so that he was straddling the Yagami boy. "Should I help with the problems then?" he asked.

Light didn't answer, in favor of seeing just how L chose to rid them of their 'problems'.

L leaned down and connected his lips to Light's in a feather soft kiss, before turning the attention of his lips to Light's jaw bone. L's deft fingers easily unbuttoned Light's shirt as his lips kissed a trail down his jaw and up to his ear. Light let out a startled moan of pleasure as L began to nibble lightly on his ear.

"Ryuuzaki," he groaned as he felt warm fingers rubbing butterfly soft touches over his now exposed chest. L smirked and turned the attention of his mouth from Light's ear to his neck. He nipped and sucked at the subtle flesh, eliciting moans of pleasure from the younger male below him.

L's attention slowly drifted farther down Light's body, until he was wrapping his mouth around one of the Yagami boy's pert nipples. Light moaned loudly and arched into the feel of that warm mouth around his sensitive flesh.

This was amazing. He'd had no idea that a guy would respond to being suckled like a female, yet the moment he felt L's mouth clamp down on his nipple a wave of pleasure washed through him and shot straight to his libido.

Light's mind was on pleasure overload, L was licking and sucking and biting softly on his left nipple, while fondling his right nipple lovingly with his fingers, squeezing it every now and then to bring him pleasure laced pain. He was quickly ascending to a major pleasure high.

Then suddenly L began to grind his hips against Light's, causing Light to arch off the bed and let out a loud moan, "Ryuuzaki." His body trembled from the pleasure coursing through it.

"Light." L smiled. "I didn't know your body was so sensitive. I think you're leaking already."

Light didn't like this. He didn't like L having so much control over him, but he couldn't focus enough to put an end to it. His mind was numb with pleasure, his body was craving for more, his heart was screaming for L.

L continued to grind his and Light's hips against each other, disregarding Light's nipples all together, he grinded them together at an almost fevered rate. By now he'd thrown his own head back and was moaning in pleasure. Light gripped L's hips and guided him in the fevered thrusting.

"Ryuuzaki," Light whimpered, "I'm going to come."

L took this as his cue to grind faster and harder, Light panted and moaned wantonly, his eyes squeezed tightly closed as his body gave in to its carnal desires. L rubbed his hands up and down L's chest, tweaking the boy's nipples as he did so.

"Come then, Light..." he panted out.

Light's grip on L's slender hips tightened as his eyes rolled into the back of his head, a shutter wracked through his body, and after a few more fevered thrusts, he came hard, coating the inside of his pants with his essence. Not long after L let out a long low moan and came as well.

Light laid there panting hard as L collapsed on top of him. He entwined his fingers in the older male's dark as night hair and pulled the detective up for a quick kiss on the lips. "Ryuuzaki," he mewled.

L smiled. "Did you enjoy that, Light?" he asked.

Light nodded, but said nothing, his mind was still revving from his unimaginable orgasm.

"I love you, Light," L said sitting up and glancing down at the Yagami boy.

Light looked up at L; his eyes locked on L's searching their dark depths for something he wasn't sure of. His heart was telling him that he should say something back, but his mind was coming up blank.

L sighed. "Don't worry Light; I wasn't expecting you to say it back. That would be too much to hope for." L clambered off of Light and sat on the bed next to him.

Light sat up and looked over at him. L seemed to be so sad it pained his heart to think that he was the one causing L such pain. "Ryuuzaki." He placed a hand on the detective's shoulder, drawing L attention back to him. "Give me time, Ok, I like you. I really like you. Just give me time to figure out my thoughts. Ok?"

L looked at him, his eyes carrying some profound sadness. "Alright," he said, "I'll give you some time." He gave a shaky smile that made Light's heart skip a beat, "Just know that I love you. Ok." He placed a gentle kiss on Light's lips. And suddenly Light wonder what he'd done to deserve such devotion from this man.

L pulled away from the kiss and smiled sweetly. "I think we should go get ourselves cleaned up."

Light nodded in a sort of daze.

.:~:.

Later that night after they had cleaned themselves up Light laid in the bed, L wrapped securely in his arms. His thoughts racing a mile a minute, keeping him from getting any sleep.

Why had he felt so confused after L had told him he loved him? The detective had told him before and it had hardly fazed him. But now it made his heart ache and his thoughts jumbled. He was so confused. He knew that he wanted L, on a carnal level if nothing more, but his heart kept telling him that there was something more. Something he just couldn't put a name to. Did he love L?

"Light, are you asleep?" L's voice broke through his jumble thoughts.

"No." Light replied plainly.

"You should get some rest. We have more work to do in the morning."

"Alright." Light replied pulling L more firmly against him and burying is face in the detective's unruly black hair. He inhaled L's sweet scent of clove and mint and exhaled a deep soothing breath. His last though before he fell asleep was that all the time in the world wouldn't be enough to help him figure out these feelings.


	9. Chained Voices

**Chapter Nine: Chained Voices**

Time. Light had asked L for more time, and L had given him time. A month worth of time had passed and still Light wasn't sure. Every second of everyday he spent chained to L left him more and more confused.

His body kept saying he wanted L, his heart kept saying he needed L, but his mind kept saying that he didn't deserve L. He kept asking what he had done to earn such love and devotion form the detective. He didn't deserve it. He wasn't good enough for him. And then he would wonder just what he had done to make that so. He had never done anything wrong. He had never done anything to make his self unworthy of L's favor. He had always done what was right and just. If anyone deserved to be loved, it was him.

Yet something in his conscience kept saying he wasn't worthy of L's affection, and that kept him from listening to what his heart was screaming at him. Each day that passed, he would watch L. he would yearn for L. He craved the other's loving touch. But he pushed him away. He wouldn't allow himself to admit his feelings and take what L was willing to give him.

It was harder at bedtime. He had become accustomed to having L sleep within his arms. He was used to the other's warm slender body pressed against his own. L looked every bit the angel sent to save his soul; he yearned to have that angel with him forever, a part of him for eternity.

Since that night a month ago, he hadn't permitted himself to share a single kiss with his beloved. He hadn't permitted them a single touch, a single loving caress. He couldn't allow it, for it would never be enough to satisfy. It would be like a taste of some forbidden wine that would be ripped from his lips that moment he took a sip. It would break his heart in two.

L seemed empathetic; understanding of what Light was going through. He allowed the boy to hold him during their moments of rest, but didn't ask for more. During the day when they were at work with the rest of the Kira Investigation Squad, when Light would lose his train of thought, or stare off into space, watching him, L would cover up for Light's mental absence he made sure no one suspected what was really going through the teen's head. He showed his love in subtle ways that could easily been written off as friendly actions, only Light knew they were more.

Sometimes they fought, sometimes simple quarrels, other times all out fist fights. It was always Light's provocations. He'd get frustrated with the things going on inside his mind and heart, and would find some nitpicky little thing to poke at and coerce a reaction out of L. Rather it was just a small argument, or big fight Light always felt bad afterwards, though he never showed it, he didn't like making L angry with him. But he thought that if he could make him angry enough, maybe L would stop loving ham and that would be the end to all his internal turmoil. Except, L always showed that his love persisted in some small action after it all came to an end.

"Well, I guess I should go home tonight as well. You two behave, ok."

"Of course we will, Mogi. Have a good night." L gave a small and Light waved as the final Squad member left that evening. Matsuda and Misa-Misa were away for the week at some big photo shoot, and all the squad members had decided to go home for the night, since they hadn't made any developments on the case.

"Well Light, it looks like it's just us tonight," L said polishing off the last bit of his three layer strawberry cake, and washing in down with some Pomegranate Tea that Misa had brought him from her last photo shoot.

Light let out a small yawn. "I guess you're right, Ryuuzaki." He yawned again. "What would you like to do?"

"We should go to bed. You're dead on your feet, Light."

Light chuckled softly. "Suppose you're right," he said, getting up from his seat. "Let's head upstairs."

To his surprise, L didn't head for the stairs this time; He leaned silently against the wall as he waited for the elevator arrival.

Up in their room, L didn't bother changing into his pajamas; he just sat on the edge of the bed and nibbled on a pack of cookies as Light changed. Light pulled on his pajamas and crawled under the covers. "Are you going to sleep or work tonight?" he asked as L began to eat another cookie.

L shrugged. "Not sure. I'm not very tired, but I don't think I could handle more fruitless research tonight."

Light smiled at him. "I think you need to rest."

L shook his head. "Too many things on my mind. I'll come to bed once I'm tired."

"OK, Goodnight Ryuuzaki."

They laid there in silence for a while, both of them fully aware of the fact that Light wasn't sleeping, but neither willing to break the silence with the question that was nagging at them both.

"Light," L finally said looking down at his hands and playing with his thumbs.

"Hmm," Light replied already knowing what was coming next and not sure if he was ready to answer.

"Have I given you enough time, Light?"

Light didn't reply for a second, trying to gain control of his thoughts. "I don't know," he finally decided what to say, the truth would be what was best for them both. "Every time I think I know what I'm feeling in my heart, my mind tell me something different."

L was silent for a moment. "Light, you should never…" he paused as if reconsidering how he was word what he was trying to say. "You should never let you mind interfere with your heart, and vice versa. The heart and the mind are two different things. One should hold no control over the other."

Light didn't know how to reply.

"So tell me, Light," L finally turned to face him, "What is your heart saying?"

Light sat up and bowed his head, thinking on what he wanted to say. Looking up trough his cinnamon colored bangs he admired L's beautiful face watching him, his heart skipped a beat in his chest and he suddenly he knew what he had to say. "My mind is telling me I don't deserve you, but my heart…" he swallowed down the lump threatening to hinder his ability to speak, "My heart is saying that I need you. That I… I love you."

L eyes filled with hope, but he didn't allow himself to show his excitement just yet. "And which one will you listen to, Light?" he asked hesitantly.

Light looked at L shyly, before reaching up and shaky hand and placing it against his alabaster colored cheek. L's eyes never left Light's as if he was searching them for his answer. Then Light realize, just as much as he'd been watching L, L had been watching him. L was always watching him.

The distance between the two of them slowly began to recede, until they were scant centimeters apart, onyx black eyes watched chocolate brown ones, and chocolate brown eye watched onyx black ones. Just as their lips were about to meet, Light whispered silently, "I choose my heart." and then they were kissing passionately.


	10. Chained Lovers

**Chapter Ten: Chained Lovers**

"I choose my heart." Even as he said them, the words sounded right in Light's ears. The kiss that followed was gentle and full of all the love he'd been denying since the very beginning. L wrapped his arms around Light's neck, and Light pulled him closer by his slender waist. Their lips molded expertly together in a kiss that said they had all the time in the world to enjoy each other.

They pulled away from the kiss panting and holding each other close. "Light," L said as he attempted to regain his breath. "Light, I want you."

All it took was those three words and the mood of the room changed. Light looked at L, his eyes glazing over with lust. Their lips met in a passion filled kiss, hands began to roam, moments blurred, clothes were removed, and names were moaned.

Light found himself lying on his back, L hovering over him, kissing his lips, nibbling his ear, nipping his neck. His hands caressed his chest, squeezed his nipples, and explored every contour of his body. "Ryuuzaki," Light moaned as he felt L's warm mouth surround his hard nipples.

Moments blurred together and the next thing Light knew, L had his fingers outside his opening. Light yelped in surprise when he felt the first finger push itself pass the outer ring of his hidden flower. L quickly swallowed the yelp down in a kiss.

He rotated the one finger until he was sure his younger lover was used the intrusion, before he slowly slipped a second finger in with the first. A low scream escaped Light's mouth and it too was swallowed up by L's lips working against his own. The third finger would have gone unnoticed if L hadn't chosen that time to scissor the three appendages and delve them in deeper. A long low moan passed from Light's lips to L's as something was brushed deep inside of him

"Ryuuzaki." Light moaned, his eyes rolling into the back of his head, as L repeatedly rubbed his sweet spot. "Oh god, I'm not going to last much longer."

L broke the ongoing kiss and removed all contact with Light. The Yagami boy looked up to the sight of L slowly removing what remained of his clothes. Light almost drooled at the sight of L, his onyx eyes glazed over in lust, rubbing a handful of lubricant into his hard and throbbing erection.

"Are you ready?" L asked his lover.

Light nodded and parted his legs more allowing for L to position himself between them. L raised one of Light's legs and placed it over his shoulder, "I'll be gentle," he promised, before guiding himself to the crinkled ring of flesh and slowly pushing inside.

A low scream of pain escaped Light's mouth at the initial intrusion of the hard muscle in his opening. The scream was followed by a low hiss from L as he was suddenly surrounded by tight hot flesh.

"Nnn," Light whimpered. "It hurts."

"I'm sorry," L said. "Should I stop?"

Light shook his head. "Give me a second. It has to get better soon. I just need time to adjust."

L nodded and waited for Light's cue to continue. When Light finally gave the OK, L snapped his hips forward, completely sheathing himself in the hot cavern with one hard thrust, managing to hit Light's sweet spot on the first try.

Light let out a loud scream. "Oh god," he groaned, "Yes! Like that. Just like that."

L looked down in shock at Light's sudden reaction to the rough treatment. "What?" he asked dumbfounded.

"Again," Light pleaded. "Do it again, just like that."

L pulled out and thrust back in hard and fast.

"Ahh," Light screamed again, "More." His body was trembling from the amazing pleasure filled pain that was shooting from the base of his spine and frying every nerve in his body. L thrust into him hard and unrelentingly, hitting his sweet spot every time. "Oh god, yes," he cried. "Harder! Please harder." He felt as if he was almost melting from the pleasure laced pain.

L was moaning loudly as he gave in to his lover pleas for rough hard sex. He snapped his hips back and forth giving no regard to rather he was hurting Light or not. Light was practically begging to be hurt. L gripped Light's hips to the point where they almost bruised from the pressure. He threw his head back and slammed into the slender body beneath him harder.

Light clung to L tightly, digging his nails into the detective's flesh so deep little crescent moon shaped marks formed,

"Oh yes," Light called out. "So good." He met each of L's frantic thrusts with a thrust of his own. L felt so good moving inside him. He'd never felt so filled, so complete, he never wanted it to end.

"Oh god, Light," L called. "I'm not going to last much longer." It was an amazing feeling, being so surrounded, and Light's beautiful voice calling out for more was almost more than he could take. Each harsh thrust brought him closer to the edge and each of Light's strangled moans and screams of pleasure was almost enough to throw him over.

"Ahh," Light panted, "don't come yet. I need more."

L gripped Light's hips tighter and thrust harder. "I'm sorry," he whimpered, "I'm about to, c-come." L's dark as night eyes glazed over with pleasure and rolled into the back of his head, a shudder spread through his body and all the heat rush to his center and he exploded inside Light's hot cavern. He moaned out what his lover's name.

The sight of L reaching his release was enough to drive Light over the edge. With one last pleasure filled moan, he reached his peak and spurted his seed into the air covering both of their chests in the sticky translucent fluid.

L collapsed on top of Light, breathing hard and trembling, ridding after the after waves of his release. "Light," L said kissing giving Light a gentle kiss on the lips, before rolling off of him thusly removing himself from where he was still embedded inside of Light.

Light remained laying on his back, staring at the ceiling, he slowly regained control of his breathing, his body resonated the last feel of L inside of him.

"Light, are you ok?"

Light slowly turned his head to look at L, but he said nothing. L seemed to be worried; he looked away from Light's watching eyes. "You regret it don't you Light?" he asked in a guarded voice, he seemed to be trying to hide pain within the flat monotone of his voice.

"Ryuuzaki," Light said softly.

"It's ok if you regret it, Light. I- I…" he couldn't seem to figure out what he wanted to say.

Light sat up and ran his hand through L's disheveled locks. 'Ryuuzaki," he said again, drawing the detective seemingly soulless onyx eyes to him. "I love you, Ryuuzaki."

A look of relief filled L's eyes, and he gave a small childlike smile. "I love you, too."

.:~:.

Later that night, after they cleaned up, Light curled up in bed, his arms around L, his face buried in those messy black locks, inhaling the sweet earthy scent he had grown to love, 'This is what it must feel like for lovers,' he thought to himself, he sighed, he and L were lovers. Something he thought would never happen. Something his heart screamed was the best thing that could have happened.

He was happy. L was happy. Nothing could have been better. But unfortunately for them, happiness was something that could easily be carried on the wings of change.

Change came months later in the form of a black notebook rightfully labeled 'Death Note' for it so easily killed the love between the two of them.


	11. Chained Fury

**Chapter Eleven: Chained Fury**

It all changed in the helicopter.

For the longest time L and Light had been happy together. It was like living in a dream, leading a double life. During the day they were co-workers, rivals and friends. The worked, they fought, they laughed. During the night they were lovers. Though they didn't always make love, they did sleep within each other's arms, and share passion filled kisses. Light had never been happier.

But it all changed in the helicopter.

It seemed that they had finally won their battle against Kira, when a new supernatural element was introduced into the case. One touch of the Death Note, and Light remembered it all. He remembered why he didn't deserve L's love and devotion. But he also remembered why he had to do it. He had to make a new world where the innocents could live in peace. What were a few sacrifices if it was for the greater good? For things to change, some things had to be lost. If his own happiness was one of those sacrifices, so be it. He would be happy again once he was the god of a new world.

That night back in Headquarters, Light had never been more aware of the fact that L was watching him. He was _always_ watching him. It was creepy to the point that it made Light's skin crawl. Hard to believe that just hours ago he'd found it endearing. Now he couldn't stand it! knowing that L's eyes were on him, constantly watching him; there was nothing he hated more than being watched.

"I think you've all earned the night off," L said to the Squad members.

"I think you're right," Soichiro Yagami agreed. "This night has offered us a new angle on the case and we all need to take the time and think it over."

"But what about the Shinigami?" Matsuda asked. "Where is it going to stay?"

"Good question, Matsuda," L said, then turned to Rem. "Where will you be staying, Shinigami?"

"Do not worry about me," Rem said, "I will be with the Death Note."

L nodded. "Please do not remove the Death Note from where we placed it."

"I am not allowed to take the Note without permission from its owner?" Rem replied.

"And who is the owner?" L asked like the inquisitive detective that he was.

Rem looked at him blankly. "Isn't that your job to figure out?"

"I suppose you're right," L said. "Anyway, let's call it a night, shall we." Everyone nodded and began gathering their things to go home, "I'll see you all tomorrow morning," L said, standing from his seat, tea cup in hand. "Come on, Light."

"Goodnight everyone," Light said as he begrudgingly got up and followed L.

Up in their room L sat on the edge of the bed and watched as Light began to change into his pajamas, there he was watching him again, it was driving Light crazy. "So Light," L said, "What do you think of the new direction the case is taking?"

Light shrugged as he climbed into the bed. "I've never been one to believe in the supernatural, but we all saw the Shinigami down there, so we just have to accept it as fact. Either way it goes, I need to sleep on it."

L nodded. "I suppose you're right," he said playing with the chain of the handcuffs connecting their wrists. They sat there in silence for a while, before L spoke again, 'Did I do something to upset you, Light?" he asked, still playing with the handcuffs.

"What would make you think that, Ryuuzaki?" Light asked in an even tone, though what he really wanted to do was scream yes, everything L did upset him. The very act of L's breathing was enough to thoroughly piss Light off.

"It's just that you seem... I don't know, distant I guess." L ran his thumb over his bottom lip as he spoke, the way he did when he had something weighing heavy on his mind, "We've been in this room for a full 9 minutes and you've yet to even look at me intimately, nor have you given me your usual goodnight kiss."

Light inwardly rolled his eyes. "Just because I haven't jumped you bones yet do not mean I'm upset with you." He said a bit more icily than he would have liked, but not caring in the lease. L was really starting to annoy him.

"I know that, Light. It's just that, all night you've been looking at me as if you hated me. Or at least, as if you really disliked me. Well that is what it seemed like to me, Light. You eyes are different now. They used to be so warm and full of affection when you looked at me. Now they're distant."

Light let out a frustrated growl. "And do you know how you noticed that!" he snapped, "its cause you're watching me. You're always fucking watching me. It drives me crazy. I can't have a moment's privacy. Every five seconds your soulless eyes turn to me, watching me, and pissing me the fuck off. I can't stand it. I told you before I hate being watched, yet you continue to do it anyway."

Light was seething. L had finally pushed him to the edge and now he was letting all it out.

"Light," L said, but Light was hearing none of it.

"I can't take it anymore, Ryuuzaki. I can't. This between us, it's not going to work."

"I'm sorry, Light," L said.

Light looked at him with his coldest glare. "No you're not. You can't feel sorry, because you don't know how it feels. You don't know how it feels to be watched constantly. I went from a bird in a cage, to a dog on a leash and still I'm being watched. I can't do it anymore."

"Light, please." L's voice sounded shaky, as if he was trying to guard it against the pain of Light's word, but Light didn't care. "What will I have to do to make you believe how sorry I am?"

Light thought about it for the briefest of seconds before an idea popped into his head, he didn't even think it trough before deciding to act on it. Standing, he grabbed the handcuffs and yanked L to his feet. He began to drag him towards the adjoining bathroom.

"Light, what are you doing?" L asked once he was thrust into the bathroom and Light closed and locked the door.

"You need to know how it feels." Light was so blinded by anger at that moment he didn't understand his own actions. "You need to know how it feels to be watched."

L looked up at Light in shock as the Yagami boy forcefully pressed their lips together. Light back L up against the bathroom sink and pushed his tongue into L's mouth, running across every surface and effectively cutting off L's breath. He kissed for pain, not pleasure, using more teeth and tongue than necessary.

Just when L felt he was going to faint from lack of oxygen, Light broke the kiss and began to bite sharply on L's neck instead. He nipped and sucked on the detective's pulse point until he was satisfied with the mark he had left there.

All the while Light's hand were busy removing L's pants and none too gently stroking the older male to hardness. "Light," L moaned, Light finally ripped his mouth away from L and spun the older male around so that he was bent over the sink.

"You need to know how it feels to be watched," Light said again. "You need to know how it feels to have your soulless eyes on you all the time, getting under your skin, getting inside you head. No secrets able to be kept hidden from the soullessness of those eyes." He gripped a handful of L's hair, causing a whimper of pain to escape the detective's lips. He pulled L's head up and forced him to look at himself in the mirror of the medicine cabinet. "Watch yourself, Ryuuzaki. Watch what you allow me to do to you out of this supposed love."

L tried to look away, to close his eyes, but he couldn't bring himself tom do so. All he could do was stare into his own slate black eyes as Light ripped his pants down. "Light, don't do this. Please. I won't watch you anymore, I promise just don't do this."

But his pleas fell on deaf ears as he felt Light grip his waist tightly and force his legs apart. "Light," he tried to plead once more, but then all he could do was scream from the pain as Light forcefully entered him.

L wanted to close his eyes and look away, but he couldn't turn away from those black eyes staring so intently at him, as everything within them began to wither. He was entranced by the hurt in his own eyes. Light was pounding relentlessly into him, causing pain to shoot up his spine, and his legs to go weak. He nearly crumpled to the floor numerous times, but Light's tight grip on his hips wouldn't allow him to.

It was horrible. L just wanted it to end, and Light didn't seem to be aware of his own actions.

.:~:.

Light panted heavily as he collapsed against the tub. Finally being released from Light's hold, L crumpled onto the floor, blood and come dripping down his legs, tears barely managing to stay within his eyes. Light looked at him as he tried to regain his breath, suddenly he realized just what he had done. L looked so broken laying there on the floor.

"Ryuuzaki," Light said kneeling beside him, "Are you OK?"

L's onyx eyes looked and Light, and then turned away. "Are you happy now, Light?" His throat was raw from suppressing his screams of pain.

"I'm sorry, Ryuuzaki," Light said reaching out a shaky hand towards L, but the detective shrunk away from his touch. "I didn't mean to," Light said. "I'm so sorry. Let me help you."

"Just leave me alone, Light. You've done enough."

Light bowed his head in shame. "I'm sorry," he said again.

"I know," L said he didn't turn to look, but he heard Light climbing to his feet, the chain clinked with each step Light took towards the door.

"Ryuuzaki," Light said as he opened the door of the cramped bathroom.

"It's ok Light," L cut him off, Light was about to leave the room, but L had one more thing to say, "I love you, Light."


	12. Expectations

**Chapter Twelve: Expectations**

The handcuffs were coming off. At moments it seemed they never would be. Sometimes they didn't want them to be. Other times they couldn't wait for them to be. After that last night it was obvious that the time had come for them to be. At long last, the handcuffs were coming off.

L sat in his chair, one arm hugging his legs to his chest, the other extended for the key to be placed in the lock. Light rubbed his now free wrist. All the Squad members watched, he wasn't sure why, but it seemed that Matsuda seemed more relieved than he was about his freedom.

"I guess I'll only be seeing Misa outside of here from now on," Light said.

L looked at him shocked. "You want to keep seeing her?"

"Of course, only a heartless man would abandon a girl willing to get herself arrested for his sake. I have to admire that kind of devotion."

L gave a shaky smile that seemed to be put in place to cover up the pain he was really feeling at those words. Shouldn't Light admire his devotion as well. The Yagami boy had practically raped him and in the end L had still proclaimed he loved him. "So you've developed feelings for her then?" That was the only thing that made sense. There had to be more than admiration holding Light to Misa.

And what was holding L to Light? Love. L was sure of it. He loved Light with his whole heart, but it once again seemed like a one sided affection. For a time period he'd truly believed that his Light loved him back, but could that all change in one night?

Light was only a teenager, no matter how mature he was for his age, a teen's emotions are among the most fickle things on the earth. Had Light's feelings changed?

L watched Light and his father leave to go visit their family, the other members of the team also began to leave. Eventually there was just L sitting in his chair and Matsuda standing across the room.

"Ryuuzaki," the former police officer said, "What happened between you two."

L didn't want to talk about it, so he decided to play dumb. "What do mean, Matsuda?" he asked, turning his attention to his cup of tea, it was the last bag a Pomegranate Tea that Misa had brought him, he made a mental note to buy some more since he liked it's naturally sweet flavor.

"Don't play dumb with me, Ryuuzaki. I know something happened between you and Light. I was watching you two. For the longest time you seemed like a couple on a never ending honeymoon, but now things are different. I don't know what happened, but between the time you two got in the helicopter last night and the time you got out. But whatever it was wasn't enough to stop him from leaving that passion mark on your neck. But now it's obvious something is uneasy between you two, so tell me what it is, or should I inform everyone of your relationship after all?"

L sighed. "You say you've been watching us." he stared into the depths of his tea, "There you go making the same mistakes I have."

"What?" Matsuda truly didn't seem to understand.

"You see, Matsuda, Light Yagami hates being watched."

Matsuda tried to pry him some more, but L would say nothing more. Eventually Matsuda gave up and left L alone in his misery.


	13. Free Hearts

**Chapter Thirteen: Free Hearts**

L sat in his chair watching Light downstairs in the lobby of Head Quarters, talking to Misa Amane. The handcuffs had been off for a few days now, and Light had yet to leave for more than a visit home and back. He decided that he would like to continue to work on the Kira case despite of everything he had gone through and in spite of the of the fact that L now suspected that he was Kira more than ever.

Light had once again managed to break L's heart into little pieces that he so expertly ground down to dust, leaving L with a bigger mess to clean up than ever before. He was still hunted by the memories of what Light had done to him in that bathroom about a week ago. He tried to forget, but his mind wouldn't let him, and his heart kept telling him to hold on to Light, because he loved Light, because a life without Light would be truly dark indeed. Darker even than the life of pain he knew waited for him if he kept on with his foolish attraction to the Yagami boy.

Being with Light was like a game of Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun. No amount of luck could save his life. Every move he made was deadly. Light's very existence to hazardous to L's health. And yet L could not bring himself to let him go. Even though he kept being hurt, L kept playing the game, waiting his turn and pulling the trigger obediently. He loved Light that much.

And to add insult to injury, Light continued to court Misa Amane in front of him. Light was free to come and go as he pleased, to do as he pleased, to date Misa outside of headquarters. But he insisted on meeting Misa in the lobby, talking to her there, kissing her there, all in view of the security cameras, the monitors of which were positioned right next to L's seat. He was just a simple glance away from unending heartache. Pass the gun, pull the trigger. Light wins again.

Even though L kept telling himself not to look, he couldn't stop sneaking glances at the monitor and the torturous scene playing out on the screen. He had to be the most masochistic man in existence. Shooting another glance at the monitor, L saw that Light was making his way back upstairs. L turned away from the security monitor and tried to appear busy when Light arrived in the room.

Light entered the room and took his usual seat right next to L.

"So how is Amane doing, Light?" L asked as if he didn't really want to know the answer. Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun, aimed at his heart instead of his head. Ask a question; pull the trigger; pretend not to feel the pain.

"She's nagging me for a date, other than that she's find."

"You can go outside and have a love life, you know." Please take your love life outside, is what he wanted to say, can't you see how much this is hurting me. Surely Light wasn't cruel enough to be doing this on purpose. Even if their relationship was one sadomasochistic after another, surely Light realized this hurt more than any other thing that had been done before. Seeing Light with Misa hurt more than having Light rape in the bathroom. This was killing him.

Light sighed and ran a hand through his cinnamon hair. "The Kira Case hasn't been solved yet. I'm in no mood for a love life at the moment."

"I guess you're right about that, Light." Silence followed. Make a statement; pull the trigger; hide the pain in silence.

"Hey guys, I'm hungry!" Matsuda suddenly declared drawing attention to him. "How about we all go out for lunch."

"Matsuda, now is not the time for lunch breaks." Chief Yagami chastised.

"But Chief, I'm really hungry." Matsuda wrapped his arms around his stomach in a display of feigned starvation. "Come on, my treat. We need a break anyhow."

"I agree," Light stated, "you all have earned a break."

"Does that mean you'll be coming with us then?" Soichiro asked his son.

Light shook his head. "I just took a break to talk to Misa, besides I'm not very hungry anyway. You all go and enjoy yourself; I'll stay and work some more on the case."

"Then it's settled!" Matsuda declared. "Light and Ryuuzaki will stay here while the rest of us go to lunch."

"Matsuda, don't go volunteering Ryuuzaki to stay behind," Mogi said. "He might want to come as well."

"Of course he doesn't." Matsuda stated. "He wouldn't dare leave Light behind here on his own. It goes against his ethics, and beside he believes Light is Kira, there's no way he'd leave the suspected Kira in the Kira Investigation Headquarters. Right, Ryuuzaki?"

L opened his mouth to speak; to plead for them not to leave him here. Not alone with Light. Didn't they realize how much that would hurt him?

Light cut in before L could say any of those words; not that he was actually going to say them anyway. "Ryuuzaki doesn't mind staying with me; it's easier to watch me when we're in the same room."

L hung his head to hide the emotions he usually kept such tight rein on from being seen playing across his face and turned his chair back towards his computer. "They're right. I don't mind staying. You all go enjoy yourselves."

With that settled the team began to grab their jackets and file out of the room. Matsuda was the last to go. "See ya later Light." he said cheerily, "Ryuuzaki." The way he said him name, drew L's eyes toward him, Matsuda was giving him a look that said 'do what you have to do to end this dispute, but don't take it too far' "I hope you guys can make some progress while we're away."

If this wasn't the saddest thing L had ever seen. Apparently he was now so pitiful that Matsuda (Matsuda! the village idiot and L's apparent rival in love) was trying to help him. When had he sunk so low? Where was his pride?

Only L heard the hidden meaning in that simple statement, because only L knew what Matsuda knew. He gave the young officer a nod before turning back to his computer. It appeared that Matsuda still didn't approve of Light and L's relationship, but he was willing to accept it because for a while Light had seemed happy with it. He wanted them to kiss and make up, if it would a smile back onto Light's face.

Once Matsuda had left, Light and L sat in silence once again.

"Tell me, Ryuuzaki, what's on your mind?"

"What makes you think there's something on my mind, Light?" Be evasive and maybe save yourself some pain.

Light raised one eyebrow at that question. "A guy doesn't spend months chained to a person without learning their habits. When something is weighing on your mind, you stare straight ahead, hug your legs, and play with your thumb on your lip like you're doing right now."

L didn't even stop the pointed out actions, because what was the point. Light knew him too well. "I was just thinking how things are different now. That's all."

"Different how, Ryuuzaki?" Light asked.

"Different with the case, different with the way I view the world, different between us. Yet some things still remain the same. You're still my only friend, I still believe you're Kira, and I still love you. It seems no matter how much the world around us changes, no matter how much you change, those three facts will always ring true. I must be a fool."

"Ryuuzaki. We both know you're no fool. You have reasons behind all actions. If you believe it to be true, than on some level you have evidence to back it up as truth. Though I don't see the evidence pointing me to being Kira."

Shut up. Shut up. Just stop speaking. Your words aren't helping. You aren't helping. Why do you hurt me so?

L sighed. "That's another thing, Light. Not too long ago I believed that you loving me was also a fact, but that has proven to be false. It's only a matter of time until my other truths prove to be false as well."

"I can't say I wouldn't mind if at least one of those truths proved false, but that's beside the point. Ryuuzaki you once told me that the heart and mind are two separate things and one should not be allowed to influence the other. So if you believe in your heart that these things are true, don't let your mind tell you otherwise."

L thought on that for a moment. "You're right, Light. Matters of the heart in mind should not coincide. But…"

"But what Ryuuzaki?" Light sounded a little aggravated.

"But both my heart and mind are telling me that what we had was just a dream that has come to an abrupt end. I can't help but feel the loss."

Light stood and grabbed the side of L's chair; he yanked it around so that he was face to face with the detective. "Ryuuzaki. What is it that you want me to do? You obviously want something, what is it?"

Damn you Light Yagami. Damn you to the very depths of hell. L sighed, but found himself opening his mouth to speak the truth. "I want you to kiss me again."

A brief hesitation... then Light's lips were on his again. Just like he wanted. He knew this simple kiss wouldn't be enough to patch things up again, but it gave him hope that things weren't as broken as he'd thought.

Even if the pain was still there. Even if he was still playing with a loaded gun. Right now was good. Right now was perfect. Right now, Light was kissing him and L could pretend that nothing else mattered.

He made a metal note to thank Matsuda for this later.


	14. Free Voices

**Chapter Fourteen: Free Voices**

L opened his eyes and looked around, wondering how he'd gotten into the room that he used to share with Light Yagami. The last thing he remembered was standing on the roof in the rain listening to the bells in the distance, feeling that his time here was coming to an end. Light had come up to the roof looking for him and the two of them had gone inside together. Light had sat on the stairs, towel in hand when L had decided to give him foot massage. Light had used his towel to dry L's hair and for a brief while, L felt the peaceable contentment that he hadn't felt since the night before the helicopter spread through his chest and he'd allowed himself a small smile.

A last piece of happiness before his inevitably demise.

But that didn't tell him how he'd gotten into the room that held such painful memories for him. Memories of him and Light, holding each other, kissing each other, loving each other. He hated this room. Though he knew it was stupid to do so, because the room itself had done nothing. Still, he despised this room with as much passion as he loved Light Yagami, because to him this room represented false hopes, and heartache.

"Ryuuzaki," Light's voice drew his attention towards the doorway, "It's good to see you're awake."

"Light," L's voice was low and audibly fragile, "How did I get in here?" He wanted out of this room that had held his moments of impeccable happiness along with the moment of his greatest turmoil.

"I carried you here," Light replied. "You got a fever from being in the rain so long; you fainted in the hallway and I carried you here to lie down."

L nodded, so Light had carried him here. How ironic that he would choose this room, out of all the ones available in the new Task Force building, to carry him to. The one person that caused him more pain than anyone else had brought him to the one place that caused him more pain than anywhere else. L almost laughed at the bitter irony of the situation. Instead he hugged his legs to his chest and stared at the bed spread below him.

A hand pressing against his forehead caused L to look up in surprise. "Seems your fever has gone down." Light said, seeming to not notice how L's breath had caught in his chest at the innocently intimate gesture, "But you're still a little warm. You should lie back down."

L only nodded and looked away from the brown eyes that seemed to see down into his very soul, those beautiful brown eyes that he loved so much.

"Would you like me to inform the rest of the team that you won' be returning to work today?"

L shook his head. "There would be no reason to do that," he said in the same low, fragile voice as before.

"Surely you don't plan on returning to work with a fever, Ryuuzaki, you need to rest."

"All I meant was that I don't think it would matter to them if I returned to work tonight or not. We're not making much process on figuring out who the owner the Death Note is, nor do we know exactly how it works. The atmosphere down there is pretty tense; we all need time away from each other."

I need some time away from you.

Light nodded, unable to deny the truth of that statement. "Then I at least should go down there and let them know they have the night off."

"Are you so eager to get away from me, Light?" I need time away, but I want you to stay. Please stay. L bit his lip to hold back the words he knew he could never say.

"What are you talking about, Ryuuzaki?"

"I promise, Light, I won't try to force myself on you. So please stay with me for a little while. Humor me, please." I love you. I hate you. I need you. Don't leave me. Time is already too short.

Light sighed but took a seat on the edge of the bed. "Happy now?" he growled.

No. Not happy, won't ever be happy unless you love me. "I don't think I can ever be happy again, Light." L didn't look at Light; instead he busied himself with tracing invisible patterns on to the bed spread.

"Damn it, Ryuuzaki!" Light yelled. "What's with this emo depressed attitude of yours? You act as if the whole world is against you."

"Not the whole world," L said softly. "Just you, Light."

"What?"

"You're the only one against me, Light." L repeated.

"Oh don't you go there again," Light said. "We are not about to have another conversation about if I'm Kira or not. I refuse to discuss this again."

"I actually wasn't implying that you are Kira, Light, I was simply stating another one of my truths. You're the only one against, whether you're Kira or not."

"And how do you suppose that?" Light wanted to know.

"I don't want to talk about it." L replied sullenly.

"Oh no you don't, I humored you by staying in this room. It's your turn to humor me. How do you suppose I'm against you?"

"Telling you would only end in an argument and I don't want to spend what may be my last moments alive fighting with you."

"Are you still going on about that, Ryuuzaki?"

"Of course I am, Light. We both know that I'm going to die soon."

"And how do we know that. For all I know, you're going to live forever."

"You would hate that wouldn't you, Light? Me living forever, always having someone watching you, always having someone chasing after you, it would be enough to drive you mad wouldn't it?"

"Damn it all Ryuuzaki!" Light lost his temper and yelled, "What is it that you want from me!"

"I want you to love me!" L also yelled causing Light to look at him in shock, his volume dropped, "I want you to love me." he said again. "I want it more than anything; I need it. You loved me before, you can't deny it. All I want is for you to love me again. Is that too much to want for in my last hours of existence, for just a moment's more happiness? I don't want more time to walk this earth. I don't even care if I solve the Kira case or not. All I want is for you to love me again."

Were those tears pricking at the corner of L's eyes? Had he once again lowered himself to crying over Light Yagami? When had he become so weak? The boy seemed to be the only one capable of bringing the seemingly emotionless L to tears. The World's Greatest Detective was helpless when it came to matters of love. L sniffed and refused to let the tears fall, he'd be damned if he'd give Light the satisfaction of seeing him cry. But he was already damned wasn't he?

"Ryuuzaki," Light said softly, L paid him no mind; instead he once again concentrated on tracing invisible patterns into the bedspread, "Ryuuzaki look at me."

The tone in Light's voice told L he couldn't refuse, he slowly turned his onyx colored eyes to look at Light, the tears he'd been fighting still clinging to their corners. The sight waiting for him was enough to set the tears to falling. Light looked at him with such a gentle expression, it was almost loving in its sweetness. He raised a hand to wipe away the tears spilling down L's cheeks.

"You're hurting aren't you?" Light said in a soft voice. "There's no denying the pain you're feeling it's written all over your face." His hand lingered on L's cheek a little longer and L found himself leaning into the touch and missing it once Light finally pulled the hand away.

"I'm sorry, Ryuuzaki," The Yagami boy said in the same soft voice. "I… Love is something I can't offer you."

L's heart sank in his chest and he once again turned away from Light, he hadn't expected Light to say that he did love him, but that hadn't stopped him from getting his hopes up. But Light wasn't done speaking yet.

"I can't offer you love." Light repeated softly, "But I can…" he hesitated seemingly searching for the right words to say, "I can humor you."


	15. Free Fury

**Chapter Fifteen: Free Fury**

"Humor me?" L asked hesitantly, not sure where Light was going with this. Warm brown eyes stared into onyx colored ones and L's heart fluttered. Light said nothing or if he did L hadn't heard him the next thing L was aware of was Light's lips were pressed against his own. His breath caught and his heart beat an erratic tattoo against his chest. in an almost loving kiss.

The kiss was so gently it wouldn't be too much of an exaggeration to call it loving. It filled L with such warmth and happiness while at the same time gave him the near overwhelming desire to weep.

L knew that there was no real emotion behind this kiss. Light did not love him; Light wasn't even pretending to love him. Light was simply _humoring_ him.

Still, part of L's brain was saying 'so what.' So what if Light was just humoring him? Why couldn't L enjoy it while it last? Where was it written that L couldn't take advantage of such a situation?

L found this part of his mind to be most convincing as he wrapped his arms around Light's neck and melted into the kiss.

This kiss was more gentle and loving than any of its predecessors and L wished with all his heart that Light meant something with it. But the Yagami boy had already admitted to his incapability to offer L love, this kiss was nothing but a meeting of their lips, an empty gesture, and it broke L's heart to know that Light only chose to be gentle with him when there was nothing backing the action. But L didn't care, he had coveted Light's kiss for such a long time he was just glad to finally receive what he had yearned for.

Eventually Light broke the kiss, leaving L panting for breath and wanting more. He wanted to reach out and pull Light's lips back to his. He wanted to express all his love with the kiss and make Light fall in love with him in return. But he didn't. He couldn't. It wouldn't be worth it to cling so desperately to someone who would never love him.

L took a sharp intake of breath when he suddenly felt Light's lips kissing gently down his neck, his hands delving under L's shirt and caressing the alabaster flesh there.

"Light," L whimpered. "Nnn, Light-kun," he moaned as Light pinched one of his nipples. Every one of Light's actions screamed of care and love, L's heart pounded in his chest with each gentle touch.

This is what he had wanted. He had wanted Light to treat him kindly like a lover, to treat him as if he truly loved him, so why did this feel so wrong to him? Why was his mind screaming out no, why did he want Light to stop? Did he really want this? Did he want Light to make a mockery of his love?

Light was simply humoring him, nothing more. Just like their first time together, Light was acting on one of L's whims.

Memories of what happened after their first time entered L's mind: going back up to Headquarters feeling empty and broken, barely holding in tears as he told Matsuda off, succumbing to those tears the moment he was alone. The salty liquid had spilled down his cheeks and dripped into his untouched cup of tea.

He had been so heartbroken after their first time, because he desperately wanted Light to make love to him, not just simply use him for sex. That was more painful than Light denying him all together.

L would never let that happen again.

The pain and heartbreak of touching without loving, of having what he wanted but not owning it, L would never wanted to submit himself to such torture again.

"No," L said trying to push Light away from him. His voice was soft and shaking. Light didn't seem to hear him. "Light stop." This time he spoke louder and knew he was heard, but Light continued to fondle his nipples and kiss on his neck, the pleasure almost making L lose sight of what he was trying to do. "Light." That sounded more like a moan than the demanding voice he was trying to use.

L took a deep breath to clear his mind and said in his best do-as-I-say tone said, "Light Yagami I told you to stop." He accentuated this statement by giving Light a hard push away from him.

"What is it Ryuuzaki?" Light asked seemingly surprised to be pushed away so suddenly.

"I told you to stop, and that means you better stop unless you planned on raping me again."

"What the hell, Ryuuzaki? I was only doing what you wanted. I told you I would humor you didn't I?"

"That's exactly why I told you to stop, Light. I want you to _love_ me, not humor me. It's not the same." At the last line L's voice dropped a little; it was almost a begging tone.

"Ryuuzaki, you and I both know I'm incapable of loving anyone but myself," Light stated "So what's the problem now?"

"That's not true, Light," L found himself denying one of the very statements he had accepted to be true. "You love Amane Misa, and…" he paused, "You loved me at one point."

"Let the record show that I do not love Amane Misa," Light said cynically, "That foolish girl claims to love me, but the feeling is not mutual. She lacking too much in the intelligence department for my taste."

"But you don't deny ever loving me." A statement not a question.

"That's different."

"How is it different?" L wanted to know. Oh how he so desperately want to know. How is it different? How is what was possible before impossible now? "What changed since then and now? I haven't changed. You haven't changed. Nothing has changed. I still love you and you still love me, the only thing different now is that now you refuse to admit it."

"I can't admit to feeling something that I don't feel," Light practically spat. "That would make me a liar."

"And that statement just made you a hypocrite. You lie every day. The very act of saying that you're not a liar is a lie. And saying that you don't love me is an even bigger lie. About half the things that come out of your mouth are lies. Go ahead tell another lie; tell me what I just said isn't the truth."

Light didn't say a word.

"You really want to humor me Light?" L persisted. "How about telling me the truth for once. That'll for sure humor me."

"I have told you the truth before." Light insisted.

"Really? When, Light? Please refresh my memory, because I sure can't recall you ever uttering the truth."

"I told you the truth when I told you that I choose my heart."

Light's words caught L off guard; making him remember the night when he'd felt true happiness for the first time. That night he was sure he and Light would have forever together.

Where was that forever now?

L's shock turned to bitterness. "If you're listening to your heart right now, then your heart is truly black indeed." His words were harsh, but they undeniably true.

"Ryuuzaki…"

"I'm sorry Light," L cut in, "but could you please leave. It seems I'm still suffering from my fever. I should get some rest, I'll return to work soon enough."

"Ryuuzaki—,"

"Now, Light," L stared down at the bedspread, "Please." The last part was barely above a whisper.

Light sighed. "Fine, Ryuuzaki. Come back downstairs when you feel better."

L said nothing and didn't look up from staring at the bedspread even after he heard the door closed signaling that Light had left the room. He gripped a handful of the bedspread in a tight fist, one arm hugging his knees to his chest. He sat there in silence, just staring at the bedspread beneath him.

As the first tear fell and landed on the back of his fist he swore to himself that he would never let Light Yagami make him cry again.

As the first choked sob escaped his lips and he broke down he swore to himself that he would never fall in love again.

As the first shard of his pride returned he swore to himself that he would not face his end in tears.

Gathering himself up and forcing all the broken pieces of himself into their proper place, L dried his tears, stood, and headed downstairs to face the rest of Task Force.

.:~:.

"Matsuda," L said sitting in his chair and facing his computer screen.

"Huh? What is it Ryuuzaki?" Touta Matsuda asked looking up from his work.

"Swear to me you won't make the same mistakes that I did."

"What are you talking about Ryuuzaki? Ryuuzaki!"

Pain shot trough L's chest, causing him to drop his tea cup and to fall from his chest. Light was by his side in an instant acting like the concerned friend. One look at Light's face and he knew all of his suspicions had been confirmed. He knew it, he had known all along.

The pain of the heart attack was nothing compared to the pain his heart had suffered due to the man smirking down at him. A shame, he wouldn't be the one catch Kira. But he had known all along whom the self-righteous killer was.

Not wanting the last thing he'd see before he died to be the face of the person who caused him such unending suffering, he turned his eyes away and they fell on Matsuda.

Touta Matsuda, the youngest member of the team other than Light. The fool doomed to repeat L's own mistakes. Why couldn't L have fallen in love with someone as light hearted and loving as Matsuda?

'Too late for regret now, Lawliet,' L thought to himself. 'Your mistakes have been made, choices that can't be taken back. I just hope that—,' he never finished the thought as he breathed his last breath.


	16. Revelations

**Chapter Sixteen: Revelations**

It was a small funeral.

Just the members of Task Force attended.

No family.

No friends.

It was as if no one knew L existed other than those who worked so closely with him.

It had come as a surprise to them who Watari really was, but L's true identity remained a mystery until the very end.

Matsuda stood beside Light at the funeral.

He kept sneaking looks at the Yagami boy; L's death had to have hit him the hardest seeing what their relationship was.

Matsuda couldn't help but feeling kind of sorry for him. It had to hurt to lose a lover.

Matsuda hadn't approved of their relationship, he doubted he ever would, but that was only because he wanted Light to himself.

"_Matsuda… Swear to me you won't make the same mistakes that I did."_

L's last words came back to him.

It was as if the detective had known his end was about to come, but if that was so, wouldn't his last words have been for Light, his lover, not Matsuda, his jealous subordinate who had blackmailed him for such a long.

Matsuda pushed the thoughts out of his head and took a step closer to Light.

"Light," he said softly. The police chief son looked up at him with chocolate brown eyes hidden partially behind cinnamon bangs, "I know that Ryuuzaki was _special _to you. I'm sure you're going to miss him a lot; I just wanted to let you know that I'm here for you."

"_There you go making the same mistake that I did."_

Light looked a little confused before a slow hesitant smile spread across his face.

Oh how Matsuda loved that smile.

"Thanks Matsuda," Light said. "You're right he was special to me; I'm going to miss him a lot."

"_Don't make the same mistakes that I did, Matsuda,"_

"I know no one can replace a person like Ryuuzaki in your life, but just don't forget I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you."

"Thanks Matsuda," Light said. "Really, I mean it."

"_Light Yagami is incapable of loving anyone but himself."_

Matsuda pushed L's words out of his mind and smiled lovingly at Light.


End file.
